See Willie Run

Old Adages

2012-01-15T19:41:00.002-06:00

There are a lot of old sayings that I really like but I think my favorite is the one that goes something like, "To have a lot of friends, you have to be a friend". I like that one the most because it has proven so true in my life on so many occasions. It's also the saying that pops into my head when I'm feeling down because I've learned that the best way to cheer myself up is to do my best to make someone else happy. I suppose that leans more towards the saying, "The greatest joy you'll ever receive is when you are giving joy".

For me, being inwardly focused is a downward spiral that always ends up with my realizing where I'm at, who I've been, and changing my focus. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes a long time for me to ride that spiral to the bottom and start climbing back up. The spiral begins to feed on itself and I move from the simple wanting something little for me to the eventual feeling that I "deserve" certain things and that people are obligated to treat me a certain way. It's funny that even writing that now makes me laugh because of the absurdity but I can live that way for weeks without realizing it and the absurdity that infects my brain.

The worst part of this spiral is the wave of discontent I cause to those closest to me. I'm fortunate enough to have wonderful people in my life that either ignore these little episodes or don't notice them. Still, I'll spend a large amount of time trying to get back into the good graces of many people once I hit the bottom of the slide. Most of these people won't even know that I am trying to climb back into their acceptance but, in my head, I'm constantly looking for ways to climb their ladder.

I suppose these cycles are normal and I can say that I've learned a lot about them and how to recognize them over the years. The most important thing I've learned, though, is how to end them quickly by implementing that old adage I started with. Be a friend. Listen instead of talk and be a friend. Suppress that ego and be a friend. Offer encouragement instead of advice and be a friend. Make a conversation completely one sided in the other person's favor and be a friend.

I'll be putting this into practice this week and I'll be you dollars to donuts (Mmmm donuts....) I'll be feeling better by Tuesday.

Thanks for listening

Freedom

2011-11-19T19:34:00.003-06:00

I can't seem to keep a plan for very long. I suppose part of this "learning about me" experience should include reading my old posts. If I'd do that more often I would realize that planning is not my best ability. As true as I know that is about me, I really do love to plan. I do. Really! I also, however, cherish my freedom to change that plan at a moments notice. That's one thing I have absolutely learned about myself over the last months.

Keeping the freedom to change my plans is one of those "third-rail" thing for me. I can put up with most other things and I try hard to understand and keep others in mind when I make decisions but I can't tolerate non-acceptance of my right to change. Sorry, that's who I am. Luckily I've been blessed with people in my life who, maybe don't like it, but accept it and take it with humor. I know it's frustrating for them but I hope that it's a sign of love to accept me for who I am.

So I'm running the full marathon in Tulsa tomorrow after weeks of planning for the half. I'm struggling with why. The surface level cause was peer pressure but it goes much deeper than that. I'm sure of this because as soon as I was put up to it something down deep let loose and it overwhelmed me with a nostalgic feeling. It wasn't that I was responding to the outside pressure as much as that pressure pricked a nerve that wouldn't shut up! I wanted to run the full, I just wasn't aware of it.

I'm not ready for the full but I've been there before. I want to run marathons again and I don't care! Earlier this year, before I came down with mono, I had lost the desire to run them even while I was running 1 per month. They had become a chore. I wanted to want to run them again but I couldn't find the desire. Now I have it back.

To deny that desire just because I had a plan seems silly to me. Maybe you'll disagree and see it as simply blowing with the breeze and that's your prerogative. I understand how silly I seem at times and, not only am I not ashamed of it, I have come to cherish it as a gift.

Thanks for listening

An ice maker

2011-08-14T20:26:00.003-05:00

I haven't lived in my current house very long. I bought it last October. It's a cute little house that was built in the 1940's so it has many old-style features that I love. It's all brick and has beautiful hardwood floors throughout. The kitchen is cozily (not sure that's a word) small as is the bathroom. There is nothing big about it at all, in fact, I'd say it's small in every way.

Before this house I lived in a duplex just up the street from here. In fact, I pushed my lawnmower from that duplex to this house so I wouldn't have to put it in the car. It was a charming duplex built around the same time as this house. It was a rental though so it didn't have the greatest amenities.

The thing that drove me crazy for the year I lived there was the lack of an ice maker. After moving in I quickly purchased a couple blue ice trays without a second thought. I figured they would serve the purpose just fine. I quickly learned to hate those blue monstrosities! They didn't produce enough ice to fill my large, post-run drinks and once you used up all the ice you had to wait for hours for more. That was if you could get the damn cubes out of the trays at all. I twisted, turned, curled, shook, pounded, and cussed those things.

I longed for an ice maker. I couldn't afford that kind of luxury at the time so it became a dream of mine. I looked forward to the day when I could get a house with more room, a garage, and not least of all, an ice maker.

My current house has an ice maker. It was here when I moved in. I use it daily. I take it for granted. Oh how quickly we get spoiled! It hasn't been a year yet and already I've become immune to the little things in life again. I HAVE AN ICE MAKER! I should be shouting that from the roof tops and abundantly happy with everything else in my life. If I had the money and time to solve that little inconvenience then I most certainly have taken care of the important stuff right?

Or could it be that I've gotten so caught up in the little inconveniences of life that I'm missing the big stuff? The ice maker was last year's little issue, this year it's the yard, next year who knows and the year after that who really knows? By that time my oldest son will be graduated from high school and off to college. My youngest son will be in middle school. I'll be 2 years closer to losing my parents. And I'll be upset/frustrated/caught-up-in whatever the "little inconvenience" of the time might be.

I will eventually run out of time for my kids and my parents and the other important people in my life but I'm sure I'll never run out of little inconveniences.

I have an ice maker. Life is good. Hope I can remember that tomorrow.

Thanks for listening

On the high seas

2011-08-05T20:37:00.002-05:00

So what if I've lost my love for marathons?

Does that mean that my love for them was never real in the first place? Or could it be that my goals have just changed and that the original feeling was genuine but has evolved? Or could it be that I'm just a live-on-a-whim type of person who has no direction in life?

Whatever it is I find myself envying those people who can find a love and stick with it forever. I still love running and I still love the long run but I don't get the joy from marathons like I used to feel. I'm more and more drawn to shorter distances and am enjoying the faster pace.

I suppose a normal person wouldn't analyze this in-depth but I'm not normal. I search for patterns in my life and feel a need for consistency. That need seems to go unfulfilled and the patterns I see are not always good.

But what can a person do about this? Should I force a consistency on myself just for the sake of itself? Thoreau believed that was the "hobgoblin of little minds" and I must say I agree with him but what is the alternative? To live an inconsistent, ever-changing life? If that sounds impressive and interesting to you (it did to me once), I dare you to try it sometime and see for yourself what it will do to your soul. Lacking a consistent anchor in life is a tough way to sail. There are many winds to hitch a ride on but with those winds come waves that can beat you up pretty good. Venturing into the waves is good in moderation but living on the high seas and always changing and adjusting to the whims of a vast ocean will prematurely wear you down.

So I'm going to ride this wave of short-distance running for awhile and hope that it re-ignites in me the love of the marathon. I will, however, still feel a bit of shame in my inability to maintain my first love.

That was a butt load of sailing metaphors! Guess that means I should buy a boat and sail around the......

Better stop that thought before it takes me in a direction.

Thanks for listening

Back

2011-07-23T17:13:00.002-05:00

I'm finally back to running regularly again now that the mono infestation has subsided. To say it feels good to be back would be an understatement and a bit of double talk. I feel good so I'm back and I'm back because I feel good again. I suppose that speaks to running being a natural part of my life. No special signal is needed for me to start running, just be me again and it happens naturally. Hard to believe there was a time in the not so distant past when I wouldn't have run.

One great benefit of running again is that I'm able to bond with the big dog, Otis. Otis has been more than a bit of a pain in my ass since he came home. He is a very smart dog, extremely smart actually, and he is also very cute. He listens to me when I discuss things with him. Much to my displeasure though he rarely takes my well argued point to heart. While he always looks me in the eye and gives me that feeling that he is listening, he usually goes ahead with whatever thing I was strongly encouraging him not to do. This has caused a noticeable rise in my blood pressure ( I know because I've been to the doctor a lot lately) and also a rise in my desire for Otis to get far away from me. Otis has very long legs which are perfect for running so I took him out one morning. At first he thought it was great fun to jump around and play. After a mile he seemed to realize that this fun was very tiring and he settled into a nice trot. Turns out Otis is a great running partner. He trotted along with me and just enjoyed the time together. Somewhere near the end of the run, near mile 3, he decided the fun was over and stopped running. I took great pride in knowing that I outran him. He had great time licking the salt from my leg as we walked the last few yards to the house. Otis and I bonded.

By the way, Willie never raised his head from the bed the whole time Otis and I were out running. That's why I love him.

Thanks for listening

New Family

2011-06-15T15:55:00.006-05:00

I suppose it's time to introduce you guys to the new members of my family. Both of these guys were adopted during an adoption drive at a local Petsmart.

This is Otis. He is a really big, really clumsy puppy. His main purpose in life is to play and eat. Well mostly to play. His saving grace was that when we took him out of his cage and walked him around, while the other dogs there went crazy, Otis remained perfectly silent and didn't lose his mind. He is amazingly intelligent but still has a lot of puppy in him. He runs into walls a lot.

This is Willie. I didn't name him after me as much as I'm sharing my name with him. Just as I don't own him so much as we are sharing our lives together. I've always loved Dachshunds for their attitudes but this little guy is the sweetest one I've ever met. He's had a hard life. He was found by the shelter I adopted him from during our last ice storm. He was starving and dehydrated. I have pictures of him like that and they are really sickening. He wouldn't eat for a long time and the shelter was sure he'd die but eventually he pulled through. He had 2 surgeries to remove lumps from his intestines that were a result of his dehydration. He has a scar above his right eye and it feels like he's missing a small piece of his skull in that area too.

He is about 3 years old and has settled into an easy life here at Villa de Willies. He is Otis's favorite play toy and usually enjoys it but sometimes has to put the big guy in his place. He really likes laying in the sun.

As you can see, they kinda like each other.

Thanks for listening

Mano e mono

2011-06-11T16:03:00.003-05:00

Remember that little goal of mine? Something about running 12 marathons in a year. Well I was on my way to getting that sucker done (not without struggle) until last Friday.

I had run the Waco marathon in January (extremely hilly and I was extremely not ready for it)

I had to skip the Austin marathon in February because I hurt my foot running on ice.

I ran the A2A marathon in March in 30 mile per hour headwinds.

I ran the Davy Crockett marathon in April. Nothing to say about this one, great course, great weather, I just blew it.

Then I finally ran a good marathon in May at the Oklahoma City Memorial marathon. I did it in a thunderstorm but I'll take a good marathon however I can get it.

Also in May I ran the Andy Payne marathon which put me back on track for my 1-per-month goal. Andy Payne sucked. It always has. It was brutally hot and windy.

I was scheduled to go to Estes Park Colorado this weekend to run their marathon. I had plane tickets, a rental car, and a place to stay. I also had the brewery tours all lined up for afterwards. It was going to be a great weekend in a beautiful part of the country. It was. It really was.

Last Friday I got sick. Really sick. Saturday morning I was not better and by Monday I was bed-ridden. The glands in my throat were (are) swollen and I was a wreck. I went to the doctor to get some antibiotics to knock this thing out before the weekend. I took all the pills and still I didn't feel better. I went to the doctor again and this time he gave me a mono test which I quickly failed. I was heartbroken. Doc said at least 3 weeks of no running because my spleen is enlarged. After the 3 weeks I have to go back and he will reevaluate me and see if I can start running again. Even if I can, it has to be slow and short for fear of a relapse. In reality it appears I'm looking at a few months of no real training.

So there goes my goal. The way I feel now I'm OK with the defeat because running is the last thing I want to do. I am afraid, however, that once I get to feeling better the full weight of what this will do to my running life will sink in and I might not be so OK with it. Maybe not, I'm hard to figure some times. Right now I'm taking full advantage of my rest and sleeping more than I have ever slept. Sometimes I feel a little better and I get up and move around. Sometimes I don't feel so good so I stay in bed all day. Really not a bad way to live I guess.

Thanks for listening

Forgiveness

2011-06-04T16:56:00.002-05:00

When I was about 11 years old my family lived up on a hill that ran along a highway. In order to get anywhere off the hill you had to cross this divided highway and my mother was never fond of me venturing across that road. I was not the type to stay at home though so I frequently took my bike down the hill and into town. In today's world I would never dream of my little one going out on his own let alone cross a major highway without me, but this was 1980-something and times were different. Besides, if I remember correctly, I never exactly told my mother I was leaving most of the time anyway.

At the bottom of the hill, just across the highway, was a small gas station where I would stop and buy candy and soda and generally unhealthy things. I went there a lot and was quite familiar with the store and where everything was located. There were two doors, an exit directly beside the cashier and an entrance on the other side of the building. I suppose it was set up that way so that when you came in the store you were forced to walk past almost every aisle before reaching the exit. Smart store layout.

One day I took my bike down the hill and across the highway to get a Charleston Chew and a Coke. Two of my favorite things at the time. I had nothing to do that day and remember being extremely bored. I think I took the trip more to just get out of the house then to actually get the candy. As I walked into the store and was locating my treasures, I noticed a middle-aged black man looking for things too. He didn't strike me as particularly memorable, just an ordinary man picking up some things. He got to the cashier just ahead of me and when he did a white man in, what today would be called a "wife-beater", ran past me and grabbed the black man by the shirt. "I thought I told you to never come in here again!", he screamed. I immediately froze and became more scared than I can remember. The white man began beating this black man to a pulp. I distinctly remember the blood spilling on the floor and all over the white man's shirt. The boy black man never had a chance to defend himself. He was crumpled on the floor and receiving punches and kicks from this white man who seemed possessed. The beating continued and the cashier was just as stunned as I was and no one seemed to know what to do. It became obvious to me that the white man was drunk and for some reason I concluded that he didn't know this black man, he was just a racist who had gotten drunk and found a black man to beat. I can't remember what prompted me to think that but for some reason I made that conclusion fairly quickly.

The beating continued for many minutes and the white man never let up. I remember thinking that he was going to kill this man not 5 feet from me! At this point an intense anger built up inside me. It was the first time I'd felt that way. An intense anger that I could do nothing about. I was going to see this man die for no other reason than he happened into the wrong store and the wrong time and there was nothing my little body could do about it. That helpless frustration has stuck with me all my life. I honestly think that day changed the course of my life. I felt that feeling many times later in life and I never seemed to be able to deal with it appropriately. My reaction, as I did that day, was to get away. Run away as fast as I could. I have always thought that day was when I made my "fight or flight" decision for life. I was caught in an intense situation that demanded an action and I chose to run. I would do that a lot throughout my life.

I remember that feeling of anger stuck with me for days after that event. I hated that white man. I hated him in a way I couldn't handle. I didn't know how to handle it. I wanted to find him and his family and make them pay for this. I didn't want him to just be punished, I wanted him to suffer. Truth be told, as I sit here on my porch writing this I still feel that way. I wonder sometimes if I couldn't search the police records back in Ohio and find out his name, track his ass down and finally let that little boy in me have his revenge. Maybe one day I will.

At some point along the journey of this life I learned how to deal with those frustrating moments. I learned (am learning) how to not run away but to "fight" in a proper way. I know now that it's healthy to do that. I just wish I had learned it a little earlier in life.

I should forgive that racist bastard someday. I'm not sure I could though. He beat that man mercilessly in front of my younger self and was the first to show me real, unprovoked hatred. He taught me that evil existed in the world. Worse yet, he brought out hatred in me. I supposed I could have done without that for a few more years.

Thanks for listening

Back

2011-05-15T17:55:00.002-05:00

It's been while since I've had the desire to write. I don't like forcing these things so I've been waiting until the feeling hit again before I put my fingers to the keys. A lot has happened since the last episode, I've run a few more marathons and have finally gotten back under 4 hours. The weather has gotten warmer too which always makes me happy since I can now get outside and sweat like a runner should.

I'm not sure what clicked to get me back under 4 hours. A few weeks ago my legs started feeling really good on my long runs and my pace just picked up. I had that old feeling of being able to run comfortably for a long time again. That wonderful feeling when you feel like you could pick up the pace all the time. It all came together in the Oklahoma City Memorial marathon in a thunderstorm.

We went to bed with the threat of severe weather the night before the race and woke up a forecast of rain beginning about the time of the start. For once the forecast was correct and it started to rain just before the start of the marathon. The race officials delayed the start 30 minutes to let some lightening clear but the rain just kept coming down. Time to man up and get out there! I didn't feel particularly good or bad at the start so I didn't know what to expect. I knew I would have to have a potty stop at some point because, well, I just knew. That stop came at mile 9 and I was in and out in 2 minutes! My best time ever for a potty stop. New PPR. You can guess what the extra P is for.

After my stop I came out of the porta-potty like superman! I felt GREAT! I immediately got my pace down to an 8:30 and it was fantastic. I clicked off mile after mile at 8:27, 8:30, 8:27, 8:25 etc... All the while it was pouring down rain and thunder was crashing all around. It reminded me of the priest on the golf course from Caddy Shack. I was expecting to be struck by lightening at the finish line.

Luckily I wasn't and I flew to a 3:46 finish. I was freezing and soaked but very, very happy. There was no post-race celebration due to the rain but we got a nice group together at a friend house later that day and told war-stories. All in all, another great OKC marathon.

I've got plans for a race (maybe 2) in Colorado in June and one in Kansas City in August. I'm hoping to keep healthy and happy until then.

Thanks for listening

Thanks

2011-04-13T20:56:00.006-05:00

I had a really great run tonight despite the fact that I just ran a marathon a few days ago. I expected tired legs and stiffness but was delighted to find that wonderful, free feeling that comes from all the body parts working together brilliantly to drive the whole structure forward at a nice clip. Not one body part missed a step, they all did their jobs well. I should thank them somehow. Thanks Adductor Longus, thanks Gastrocnemius, thanks Calcaneo-plantar nerve. You did great tonight.

Thanks for listening.

(The picture on the left is not me, some parts are way to big and others are way to small to be me..... just wanted to clear that up)

Broken parts

2011-04-03T13:02:00.002-05:00

I spent yesterday fixing things outside and inside the house. Some things had been in need of repair for awhile and some, well, Ok, I broke some while trying to fix others. I do that. As I was running to Lowes for the second time that day to get the part I should have bought the first time I was there, I started thinking about the runner's body. Specifically about how the body repairs itself. I was rushing to the store in order to buy a new part for my bathroom sink because there's no way it would repair itself. I could wait as long as I wanted and that valve would still be broken. Not so with the runner's body. As painstakingly slow as the process might be, the body will heal itself if it is ever broken. You can't run to the store and buy a new part for your leg nor do you need to. Give nature time and whatever is wrong will grow back and be just like it was before it broke. (I was going to say "as good as new" there but realized that even nature has limits once you reach my age.) I have no profound point here other than to marvel at the body. This wonderful gift we've all been given is the most amazing machine ever invented.

It's been awhile since I've given an update on my 12 marathons in 12 months goal. I did miss Austin in February because of my foot. My foot did heal (see above) and I was able to run the A2A marathon in March. It was a brutally windy day and, given that the wind was in our face for 20 miles, I did more survival than running. I managed to finish in 4:11 and I also made a new friend which is always better than a PR. Next week I've got the Davey Crockett Bear Chase marathon in Groveton Texas. If you remember, I ran the half there last year and placed 3rd overall. Please try and remember that, here, I'll say it again, 3RD OVERALL! Kinda proud of that one. This year I'm running the full so I don't expect any new bragging rights but it should be fun. After that it's the Oklahoma City Memorial marathon on May 1st!!!! Yea! I love that weekend.

The weather here in central Oklahoma is finally getting warmer (sorry Southbay girl) so I'll be outside more and building up some miles. Yep, things are good in Willie land. I hope they are in your world too.

Thanks for listening.

2011 Jack Rector Beacon on the Bay 25K by mwilcoxen at Garmin Connect - Details

2011-03-13T09:17:00.000-05:00

Not my greatest race but I'm happy with it.

2011 Jack Rector Beacon on the Bay 25K by mwilcoxen at Garmin Connect - Details

Tonight, I ran

2011-03-07T18:13:00.002-06:00

After 3 weeks of being among the mere mortals of non-runners I rejoined the ranks of the elites again tonight. I ran. Without pain. It felt good. I like short sentences.

I actually re-entered the running community yesterday with the running club's training group. I ran 9 miles early Sunday morning with a few hundred of my closest friends. I don't like to count that run as my first though because I was so timid and babied my foot that I can't really say I ran the good old Willie way. I did that tonight though. It was a nice, full throttle, full force Willie run. I never felt any pain from the foot.

I want to take this moment to commend myself on a injury-well-done. That's right, I'm going to pat myself on the back now so if you are easily disgusted you may want to stop reading this and go ready RBR's blog. I injured myself 3 weeks ago and I actually stopped running for those 3 weeks. Didn't run a step. Nope, nada, nothing for 3 weeks. Did you hear me complain? That's right, I didn't! Well maybe a little but I finally got to the point in my running life where I understand that I'm in this for the long term. I can honestly say that I understood that 3 weeks of non-running is nothing compared to a lifetime of pain-free running. I also understood that letting this foot heal without additional stress would get it better faster. I know right?!?! Look at me go!

Ok, I'm done with my back-patting.

I've got a 25K this Saturday and then it's back to marathoning in 2 weeks with the A2A Race for Mercy in Ardmore Oklahoma. Should be fun!

Thanks for listening.

Off to a good stop

2011-02-27T08:26:00.003-06:00

My plans to run a marathon a month got off to a great start only to be brought to a halt shortly after the first race.

What I knew about Waco Texas was limited to Dr. Pepper and the Branch Davidian compound.

When I arrived for the marathon I found out that it's really a nice city with quite a lot of charm. It's still Texas so, by default, I'm not fond of it but as is usual for most cities I visit, I discovered that it's the people that really make a city and Waco has some GREAT people. The Miracle Match marathon in Waco supports an organization that finds bone marrow donor matches for people who are suffering from cancer and need a bone marrow transplant to save their lives. The marathon had about 400 runners which gave it a wonderful friendly feel. As an example of this, with 15 minutes to go until the start no body was lined up. They were all gathered around in a park next to the starting line. With 5 minutes until the start the race director was walking around the start getting her picture taken with different groups of out-of-town runners. Eventual she made her way up on stage and had her daughters sing the national anthem and then we were off.

The marathon is billed as the toughest marathon in Texas and it lived up to this billing. The elevation profile showed that the first half of the course was an incline so I thought that would be the hardest part. It wasn't. I barely noticed the incline of the first 13 miles.

The second half of the course is an overall decline but it's a very bumpy decline. It's much like a roller-coaster, up and down, up and down, straight up and straight down! I tried to run up the hills and walk down because the downhills were so steep I was afraid of injury. At one point, however, I was struggling so hard to get up a hill that I determined that I could walk and keep the same pace as I did when I was trying to run. I actually passed a guy who was trying to run while I was walking up this monster. He quickly learned the lesson I began walking with me.

Eventually I made it back down to the river and wound around it until I reached the bridge which held the finish on the other side. I had bonked hard with about 1 mile to go so I was really struggling until I saw the clock. It was still under 4 hours. 3:58 but still under 4. I sprinted as hard as I could with my hill-tortured quads, and made it across the line in 3:59:40. I was elated with that time. It was a brutal course.

It was a good weekend for all of us. My buddy finished just behind me in the marathon and my son broke 2 hours in the half. The post race party was fantastic with plenty of food, beer and wonderful people.

January marathon done. Confidence high.

I took it easy the week after the marathon mostly because I was beat up but also because Oklahoma City received the gift of massive amounts of snow.

The following weekend I decided to go run with my running club marathon training group. The roads were still ice and snow covered and I had searched for Yak-Traks but couldn't find a store in the city that had any in stock. My bullet-proof attitude told me not to worry, that I could run on ice and snow. No problem.

I made 4 miles before my right knee began giving me pain. This was not surprising because I've battled that knee since before Christmas. I knew it wasn't anything serious but I decided to stop running and walk back just to be safe. So I let my buddy go on to the turn around and I cut the course short and started walking back to the start. Somewhere with about 1 mile to go my buddy caught up to me and I decided that I would run with him for that last mile. I made it maybe 1/4 mile before I hit a sheet of ice with no snow on it and took my annual fall. My right leg slipped and crumpled under the rest of my flailing body as I slid across the intersection we were running through. I think I even screamed. When I fall, I do it all-out!

I got myself up and discovered that nothing was any worse than before and continued walking back. No more running for me, I got it, if only 1 fall too late.

Once back at the start and after the expected teasing about my ability to fall every year we have this ice run, we all headed over to Starbucks for some post-run coffee. This is when my right foot let me know that it was PISSED! My arch cramped and felt like it was going to snap. I tried to walk it out but it didn't go away. Once safely seated with coffee in hand the arch relaxed and I didn't feel it again while seated. Once I got up to leave, however, it let me know that it was still there and I had to limp back to my car.

I've never had problem with my Plantar Fascia so I really thought this was just a cramp brought on by the shuffling stride I was forced to take while running on the ice. I also wondered if it wasn't a bruise caused by my orthotics and the rough footing. Whatever it was, I'm still not able to run 3 weeks later.

Last weekend was the Austin marathon and I was forced to defer my entry until next year. I missed my planned February marathon. I'm one behind already for 2011. Needless to say I was not the happiest of people last weekend. I did go to Austin to support my friend who were running and we all had a good time but it was very hard to be at surrounded by 20,000 runners knowing that I was not one of them that weekend.

So here I sit feeling lazy and fat. I'm losing fitness every second and I have a whole year of plans that need to be rearranged. The one bright spot is that my foot hasn't hurt now for 3 days and I'm feeling confident I will be back to running in a week. I'll have to start slow and build some easy miles but at least I'll be running again.

Thanks for listening

Miracle Match Marathon by mwilcoxen at Garmin Connect - Details

2011-01-30T20:30:00.000-06:00

Miracle Match Marathon by mwilcoxen at Garmin Connect - Details

First step

2011-01-08T17:54:00.002-06:00

So last week, while I was off work, I decided that I couldn't take the inside of my house anymore and went for an all-day run. What a great idea! I started out from my house around 9 with only a general idea of where I would go. I took my ID and a credit card so I could stop and grab lunch somewhere that allowed sweaty, stinky runners in the door.

I stopped at Starbucks along the way and had my morning coffee which I had iced because I wasn't sure I could stomach anything hot.

It was a beautiful sunny day and I trotted through traffic up to Lake Hefner. I had NPR playing in my ears so I could get caught up on the news I had been ignoring for many weeks. Somewhere around the dam I realized I'd heard the same news story 3 times and took the headphones off.

Lunch turned out to be a stop at the 7-Eleven for some Cheese-Its and a bottle of water. I always find my mid-run cravings funny. I NEVER eat Cheese-Its, ever. I don't like them. But for some reason on mile 13 of that run Cheese-Its were all I ever wanted in life. They tasted great then even if the thought of it makes me hurl now. Oh well, just another reason to refer to myself in the third person. Even I don't understand me.

Somewhere along the way I got myself back in order and overcame the horrible stir-craziness that I had gotten myself into after being off work for 2 weeks. Running is good for that. Oh yea, I also hurt my knee somewhere. Yes, that's right, I'm injured now. Hear that screaming? Me neither because I didn't (and still don't) really care. That long run did me good and if I have to be injured because of it I'll take it. Besides, it's just a pain behind my kneecap, I've had that before and I'm confident I know how to get rid of it. This may make me a seasoned, i.e. old, runner. Either way I think I like it.

Thanks for listening

What I (still) love about running

2011-01-01T21:21:00.003-06:00

I'm not the same person that you met a few years ago when you started writing this blog. Am I better or worse? I don't know and I don't think I get to make that determination anyway. Life happens. It just does. Sometimes I can proactively drive what happens in my life and sometimes I'm the passenger strapped into the roller coaster holding on for dear life. So how can I say that I'm better or worse? I'm just older and different.

I still love to run. When I stumble upon a few spare hours during the week my first option is still to go for a run. It's the starting and ending point of most things I do during a week, month, even year. My running goals have changed, sometimes even disappeared, but the desire to push myself beyond what I think I can do on a given day is still there. Running make me, well, me!

I have been a bit of a lethargic runner lately, however. Getting other parts of my life settled had taken priority over PRs and distance goals. I think I'm ready to end that now and take a swipe at some of those mountains out there.

So I searched around that old area of my brain that contains the things I've always wanted to do and stumbled upon something that I think is achievable in 2011. Lest you think Willie actually had his first original thought, let me tell you that I was inspired to think about this goal by a very close friend who let me know it's a FANTASTIC idea.

I'd like to run 12 marathons in 2011. Yep, that's it, 12 marathons, 1 per month in 2011. I chose this goal mainly because I remember 2008 when I ran 8 marathons and how wonderful it felt to just get out and run that many races with that many different people. That year of traveling and running led to so many wonderfully unplanned things that I can't even count them. So who knows what running 12 will bring me.

I'm still working on the schedule but I've got the first few month pretty well settled.

On January 30th I'll run the Miracle Match Marathon in Waco Texas. I've never run this one and it's close.

On February 20th I'll run the Austin Marathon again because, well, it's Austin and I LOVE 6th street for post-race celebration.

On March 20th I'll run the A2A Arbuckles to Ardmore Race for Mercy again.

On April 9th I'll run the Davy Crockett Bear Chase marathon in Groveton Texas.

On May 1st I'll run the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon for the 5th time. This is my hometown marathon and I now own a house that's on the course so I might as well run it since I wouldn't get out of my driveway on race morning anyway.

It's not scheduled yet but I will run the Andy Payne marathon here in Oklahoma City sometime in May also if they have it.

My big travel marathon for the year will be Estes Park, Colorado in June. I've always wanted to run this race because it's arguably the most beautiful area in the country that doesn't have a beach attached to it. The elevation will also be a challenge and I like those challenge things a lot.

I've got a few ideas for the latter half of the year but I'll hold those for another post. As I write this I'm already excited about the possibilities this plan could hold. New friends, new places, and a wonderful sense of accomplishment. I'll be sure to write about it.

Thanks for listening

Tulsa 2010

2010-11-24T21:34:00.002-06:00

I ran the Tulsa Rt. 66 marathon last Sunday. This is my favorite marathon for many reasons, not the least of which is because it's close to home but not close enough that it feels boring. It's like a travel marathon without the expensive hotel and plane ticket. I also usually run good at this one because it's the first Fall marathon that I run and the cool weather helps.

I had no expectations for this other than to have fun and enjoy the pain I knew was coming due to my lack of training. I often say that to truly enjoy marathons you need a healthy dose of self-dislike because it makes the pain bearable. Well I knew this one would require some serious pissed-off-ed-ness at old Willie for me to get through. Let's just say I had a lot to draw from lately.

One really cool new twist to my experience was that my oldest clone was running the half marathon at Tulsa this year too so I got to share the day with him. As much as I don't want him to be anything like me I do like having him around because we have so much fun together. He is still my son and I have to get on him sometimes but mostly we share the same sense of humor and enjoy the same things so it's like having a perfect friend. I do hope he gets the running bug.

So my son and I rode to Tulsa with 2 of my best friends who were also running the full marathon. We had a great time listening to Christmas music and chatting about most things running and some things not. I've had some of the best conversations with these people and this time didn't disappoint.

So the marathon was fairly straight forward. I hooked up with the 3:50 pace group at the start and ran just in front of them for most of the race. I figured 3:50 was about the best I was capable of right now so I was glad to see that the pace felt comfortable. It was a beautiful running day which means it was overcast and cool. I love the sun but since I'm out of shape I needed all the help I could get and the overcast was probably good for about 10 minutes off my time that day. I can enjoy my wonderful sunshine sometime when I'm in a better running form to enjoy it.

Here is the thing that got me that day and the reason I needed to write this post. Around mile 14-15 I ran by some fire trucks and saw a man performing CPR on a runner who had collapsed during the half marathon. I had never seen real CPR before and I was shocked. Stunned really. The runner lay motionless on the ground while a fireman was violently pressing his chest in an attempt to save this poor man's life. I had so many thoughts at that moment all of which, I'm sure, were fatigue induced. Had this man just died? Was his spirit hanging around watching this? Did he know he was gone? All these weird thoughts raced through my brain as I continued running. It was as if I weren't really there but I was watching myself see all this. Very, very weird.

I will admit that, although I focused on this site for the next few miles, by mile 18 I had forgotten about it and was concentrating on the pain in my legs and knees which had become vicious by then. I was really feeling the lack of endurance by mile 20. I felt I had the energy to go on and run strong but my legs weren't ready for the beating they had taken and each step was hurting. I knew this was coming so I took it very well and walked a little to stretch things out. I ran when I could and walked when I needed and finished in a respectable 3:57.

After the race I met up with my son and our running friends for our post-race lunch and beverages, not remembering at all the feelings I'd had about the CPR incident. It wasn't until later, when I heard the man had died, that I remembered those weird feelings and I really thought about what I'd seen. I'm not going to say that it was a profound moment in my life and that I'm a changed man because of it, nothing that dramatic or cheesy. It was just an experience that I had and I'm not sure how to take it or what to do with it. As I remembered that scene I was struck with the thought of what this man was planning after the race. Was he planning to meet his family and friends for a beer? Did they have dinner plans in Tulsa? I wondered if he had checked out of his hotel room? All these mundane things that I plan and do around a marathon and I never once stop to think, "what if I don't finish this thing?". That's not something you plan for, nor should you! I suppose it's supposed to be weird and unusual to deal with the mundane things after a tragedy. That's why it's a tragedy. I had just never thought about it before like I did on the race course last Sunday. I wish I could say I am going to contemplate this event and re-evaluate my ways but that isn't me. In fact, it sounds silly just to type it. I had a glimpse into a tragedy and it had an impact on me. What that impact is beyond the ones I've shared here I don't know.

Thanks for listening

My old friend

2010-11-06T17:18:00.002-05:00

I have a wonderful friend in the running club who hosts a brunch every year following a 5K that is run very near to her home. The food is always outstanding at this brunch so I always attend. This year I figured I should run the 5K also since I've never run it and I always feel a little guilty about showing up for the food without running.

My training plan has 1 speedwork session every week and I decided that this 5K would fill that requirement so I skipped my normal Tuesday night track session and held off until Saturday morning where I could get in 3, 1 mile repeats with 0 seconds of rest between. Perfect! I had done this before using a free 5K that was held every Wednesday night over the summer months. It was a small affair used by the racing production company to train their new people on the timing equipment. All you had to do was show up and be their guinnea pig and you got a free, chip timed 5k.

My best time at those summer races was a 20:36 which I was extremely please with since I don't normally run 5ks. I was hoping for a similar time this morning but it wasn't meant to be. It has turned cold here in the midwest and my lungs haven't adjusted yet I guess. My lungs got tight around the 2k mark and just wouldn't let me get a good breathe for the rest of the race. My legs felt good but the lactic acid built up quickly since the muscles weren't getting all the oxygen they needed. I ran good, the breathing never got really bad and I was able to finish in 21:05. I very happy with that and I think it still qualifies as a speed workout since I worked very hard to get that time even if the time itself wasn't as good as it could have been. It's all about effort I suppose. It's been a long time since I've had a full-on asthma attack. So long, in fact, that I couldn't find my inhaler when I went to get it. I had to buy one of those horrible Primetine mist thingys. I hate those things! They give me a headache and make me sick but at least they help me breathe.

In other news, I've decided not to run a marathon while I'm in California next weekend. My father is coming to town next week and will be leaving on Sunday so I just can't bring myself to leave before then. So I'll just get in some wonderfully warm runs in the high desert. At least it better be warm. Please make it warm while I'm there. Please.

Thanks for listening

Inspiration Sandwich

2010-11-02T20:47:00.002-05:00

I ran tonight. Fast.

I've been reading a book called Inspiration Sandwich to my youngest clone for the past few weeks as a bedtime story. He picked it out of our bookshelf because it has wonderful colors on the cover and it looked like a children's book. After reading many of the chapters I've concluded that it is more of an adult book. Actually an adult-who-wants-to-be-a-child book. PERFECT Willie reading material! Wish I'd found this book years ago. The author's name is Sark and I may be in love with her. She has that wonderful childlike attitude that is so easy to love.

I'm traveling to California (again) for work and am considering jumping into a marathon while I'm out there. I have a link to Marathonguide.com on my desktop right beside my business travel arranger link. Anytime I get notice of a business trip the first thing I do is check for marathons in the area I'm going. I love that! I'm heading to the L.A. area this time and I have work on a Monday so it's the perfect opportunity to travel on a Friday or Saturday and run a Sunday marathon then head to my meetings on Monday. It just so happens that Malibu is having their marathon on the weekend of my travels. I'm very tempted. The only thing stopping me is the $143 entry fee! That's pretty steep even for a late entry. I hope they put wine in their gatorade, and not cheap Boones Farm wine either. I want the good stuff for that price.

I'll keep you posted on what I decide.

Tulsa marathon is in 2 weeks, Memphis in 4. If I run Malibu that would be 3 marathons within a months time. Marathon Maniacs here I come!!

Thanks for listening

Stress

2010-10-22T20:33:00.002-05:00

I don't deal with it well.

The 24 hour race is tomorrow. I'm not running it but 2 of my favorite people in the world (besides the 2 little people who resemble me) are and I was very excited about helping them. I want to take care of every little detail for them so they can just show up and run the race. That was my goal but today I ended up being the one who had to be taken care of. Multiple problems arose that were beyond anyone's control and pushed me over that edge of having too many things to do at once and I lost it. I became a blabbering idiot and not a very nice person to be around. I just wanted so badly to take care of everything and it just wasn't going to happen today and I never found the strength to accept that and deal with it. I failed myself today not because I didn't do the things I wanted to accomplish but because I didn't deal with reality well.

I used to be able to deal with these things! But not anymore. No, not at all. No, no, no.

OK, so when I say I used to deal with stress well, it wasn't really me that was dealing with it, it was the medication I was taking that dealt with it. Actually it just made it so I never felt any stress. Wonderful stuff! That is until you realize you're not feeling ANYTHING anymore! No stress but also no emotion, no joy, no guilt, nothing, nada. Couldn't deal with that kind of living anymore so I got myself off them.

And now here I am. Stressed out and pinging off the freakin walls every time I have more than 2 things to do. And you know what? As sorry as I am for failing today, I can't help but be a little bit happy that I actually FELT something! It was real, it wasn't covered up, I FELT it! I don't like that I didn't handle it well but I felt it and I recognize that I felt it and I can learn from this. This is called living. I'm going to do more of it from now on I think.

Thanks for listening.

Comfort

2010-10-17T08:34:00.002-05:00

Here I am sitting on my new back patio watching the birds that live in my shrub-like thingy (I'm not a plant person) that is growing all over my back fence. The birds have been nice enough to not care that I moved into their space. They go on with their bird activities without regard to my existence. I like that in a neighbor.

I saw that Starbuck's new theme is "take comfort in your rituals" and as much as I hate to give in to a marketing slogan, I have to admit that I can relate to this one. I'm finally back on a marathon training plan and have now had 2 good weeks of training and I am starting to feel like my old marathon running self. Things are a bit different on the outside now but inside I'm getting those old wonderful feelings of contentment that come from keeping to a running schedule. I never stopped running through the transitions of last year but it was more of an escape from things than a goal in itself.

What I really like (because I'm a complete sap) is that, even though things are completely different now, I can still make those old rituals fit into this new world. I see that as both progress and as a confirmation that those old feelings were real. I lost many of my behaviors (for the better in most cases) along the way but I have kept a few and I hold those few in high regard now. They are my treasures of life that I keep in a special place and, while I may forget about them during the trials of life, will always return to eventually. They are comfort.

I'm training for the Memphis marathon on December 4th. It's a hilly course from what I here so I'm not looking for a PR but most a return to good marathon running. Along the way I'll run the Tulsa Rt. 66 marathon in November as a training run. I'll keep you posted.

Thanks for listening

Pride

2010-08-18T20:06:00.007-05:00

The big one ran an Olympic distance triathlon last weekend. That's 1/2 mile swim, 24 mile bike, and a 10K run. Needless to say I was, and am, a very proud father.

I think what I was most proud of was that he hurt a little during the race. I'm always proud of him no matter what he does and I love it when he wins something. What I've been waiting to see is that look in his eyes that says he has earned something.

There's a big difference between winning and earning although the two can occur at the same time. So far in my son's young life I have only seen the winning. That's not to say he has won everything. I've seen his failures too but win or lose it was always something external to him it seemed. It wasn't something that he internalized or became epic to him. It was just something he did. The earning is something that I couldn't help him with. I could give him advice (although he rarely listened) on how to succeed or how to do his best but I couldn't help him get to that place where he worked for something meaningful to his inner soul and overcame the external obstacles and his own internal doubts to achieve a goal. No one can help him do that, he had to do it himself and it finally happened I think.

He is a wonderful kid and I want him to find himself and his inner strength. I hope this was the first step towards that.

Thanks for listening

Diet is important

2010-08-14T14:35:00.002-05:00

I spent last week in upstate New York for work. Normally I would be writing to you about all the hills I ran and all the many miles I got in. Not this time.

This time Willie was a bad boy.

A very bad boy.

I was there 3 nights and I ate like crap and drank like a fish each and every night. Couple this with very little sleep (funny how the drinking and lack of sleep always go together) and I was a mess by the time I finally escaped back to Oklahoma.

No running for 5 days and nothing but crap for fuel make for a hesitant body prior to a 10 mile run. It was like dragging your dog out for a badly needed walk in the rain. They know they need to go but just won't step out the door. I convinced myself that I needed a bit of punishment for what I'd done and this shamed me out the door this morning to meet the group at 6 AM for 10 miles. I think I sweat beer and chicken wings all morning in the 85 degree weather. Yes, 85 degrees at 6 AM! It's F-ing hot here in Oklahoma.

I made the 10 miles at a pretty good pace which I attribute to 5 days of rest. It was good punishment and I accepted it like a cowering Catholic School boy doing his penance. I'm hoping this puts me back on track although I'm planning to take it easy for a few days to get back in the groove.

Thanks for listening

Back in the Saddle

2010-08-08T08:41:00.003-05:00

Notice the cowboy reference in the title? Yeah, someone got on my bad side the other day by implying that I couldn't be a "man" because I took my son back-to-school shopping while my girlfriend mowed my yard. She likes to mow, I like to shop. BITE ME!

After San Francisco I've been hearing those old voices in my head. You know the ones that start up when you see pictures of a place in the world you've never been that go something like, "I wonder if they have a marathon there?". I even caught a news store the other day that said air fares were extremely low right now and I spent the next few hours trying to find a marathon at one of the cheap fare destinations. Currently I have marathons planned for October, November, and December but I'm desperate to find one in September because I'm afraid a 2 month break is too much! Basically.... I'M BACK! I have that itch again to run. I love it.

During my break from blogging I completely lost that itch to travel and run marathons and I was afraid it was a life change that would last. I try to accept those life changes and see them as not losing something but as gaining something new but it's still hard to chew. I love running marathons and traveling as much as I can but if you don't have the inner drive it because a horrible struggle and just not worth it.

I like being back. My wonderful running club has started their training for the fall marathons. They are only up to 8 miles for their long run but we had over 200 people show up at 6 AM yesterday! These things are growing every year and it's great to see and meet new people. I had a good 8 mile run with my old friends yesterday. Everything on my old body is working well and the heat makes it wonderful to run hard and get those endorphins flowing. I absolutely love finishing a run drenched in sweat to the point that it looks like you just got out of a pool. I don't particularly like my smell while sitting at Starbucks afterward though. Oh well, I suppose that's just part of the experience.

Thanks for listening

Share the Road: A Rant

2010-08-04T17:37:00.002-05:00

I've taken all I can take and I just can't hold this rant in anymore. I know a lot of you are cyclists as well as runners so this may offend you but... Why do cyclists think they own every inch of pavement in the world?? And why are they such a-holes about it?

If I've seen you coming at me on your bike for the last hundred yards and have gotten out of your way you don't have the right to scream at me when you finally get your head out of you ass and looked up when you're 2 feet away. I'm sure you were surprised, but it wasn't my fault. That makes you an a-hole. Actually it makes you an arrogant a-hole.

If you're riding side-by-side with you buddy on a narrow trail where it's common for people to be riding and running in both directions it would be nice if one of you would move over when a running is coming the other way. You don't have to, I will move over to the grass to be sure I don't get tire makes up and down my body, but it would be nice.

I love that you yell "on your left" when you pass me. I really do. But please don't scream it and follow it with an insult to my mother. I'm just running I don't mean to piss you off with my presence.

I would never write complain about these things if they were isolated incidents. These three things have become common occurrences on my runs where cyclists are common. I like to think that I don't hold hard feelings towards anyone but I must admit that cyclists are not my favorite people. I've gotten to the point where I avoid them and don't like to be around them not just out on the roads. I hate that and I don't want to feel that way.

Thanks for listening

Finding that balance again

2010-07-31T21:16:00.002-05:00

My running club kicked off their fall marathon training today and I didn't make it. It was only a 6 mile run but I still felt a little twinge of desire to be there with the group and get those miles with company. Since my life has changed I have found it increasingly difficult to make it out and run as much as I'd like. I will not complain about this because the reason, or reasons, I can't make it are my children. I love spending time with those 2 copies of me and I would always (and have always) choose them over a run any day.

In the past I've always had a balance between the two desires even if it was a stressful one. I didn't mind leaving the offspring for a few hours to run some miles because I knew I'd come back to them. Now I feel like I must be with them every minute they're here because there will soon be a time when they're not here. That not here time works well for getting those runs in but since it's summer I'm trying to have the kids over as much as possible so the lack of balance is an issue.

I'm not complaining about anything here, just expressing some feelings. I love my kids and I love running and the balance will come I'm sure.

Thanks for listening

Summer of the watermelon II

2010-07-29T19:24:00.004-05:00

Where did I leave off... Oh yes, the expo. I'm poor now. That's the basic point here.

After the expo I set out on an expedition to find the San Francisco Whole Foods. I knew they had to have one since this was Mecca for Granola people and everyone knows Granola people love Whole Foods. I found one a few blocks from the expo and entered the bliss of breads, salads, wine, cheese, and every other wonderful thing that wonderful people can make from wonderful food raw materials. One day I've got to figure out how to do these things but for now I'll rely on Whole Foods and Little Caesars for sustenance.

Later that day, after a nap and some fantastic TV from the 3 channels I had in the Ritz, I was lucky enough to meet up with some fellow bloggers for dinner. It was great to see Penny again and I also got to meet AKA Alice and Meg Runs! Total score for meeting wonderful people! We had a great dinner and I laughed very hard the entire night. It's funny how I've become comfortable meeting bloggers since that first time I met Penny. I was so nervous that night I couldn't speak and now I actually look forward to it. Bloggers are wonderful people.

I got to bed late that night after what was probably my 2nd taxi ride ever. Yes, I'm a sheltered person. Sue me, I like the subway!

Race morning came quickly and I was up and in my Landrunner shirt before 5AM. I was supposed to meet RBR and Penny at 5:15 somewhere near the bag drop. I was a little late. RBR was as gracious as ever in her texts asking where the #$%^ I was! She's has such a way with words. I love that about her. I always learn some new way to offend people when I see her. I have considered bringing a notebook or a recorder. She is such a wonderful teacher.

There was a bit of confusion about which wave we were in. Ok, so we knew which wave we were supposed to be in but we didn't want to be in that wave. Do you see the problem. SUPPOSED and WANT. Those two words have always caused me problems. We did eventually end up in our assigned wave which started somewhere near San Jose. No kidding we were in the very last wave. That's what happens when you register the day before the race. After having done this for many, many races I feel that I should get a preferred starting spot because I paid more to be in this race than 90% of the other entries. Just a thought.
I ran with RBR and another friend who had come out from OKC to run this race at the last minute also. Did you catch that? I RAN WITH RBR. Yep, that's right, after last years confusion that mistakenly forced me to accidentally leave her after only 25 feet, I actually ran with her this year. For awhile. We caught AKA Alice as we were approaching the bridge and RBR left me for better company. All in all, I'd say we ran 15-16 miles together. Yeah, that sounds right...

The Golden Gate was as beautiful as ever and it still hasn't gotten old running across it. I still got goosebumps when we ran out on it. It's just such a great thing to be out there in the traffic lanes running between the Pacific and the bay. In true 80's lingo, it's way cool dude!

I continued to run with my friend from OKC until 13 miles where I decided to see if I could pick up the pace and run a great negative split. I had many reasons for this but the most compelling one was to finally run the second half strong. I've always struggled on the second half because the hills beat me up so much on the first half that I just have nothing left for the last miles. I was also completely committed to looking at mile 24 through 26 and giving it the finger! Last year those miles completely destroyed me. Absolutely my worst 2 miles of running ever and I was going to get my revenge.

I was able to pick up the pace a little but I still held back for awhile because I wanted to finish stronger. I wasn't wearing Paula so I don't know what pace I was running but it felt good and strong and that was all I wanted that day. Time was not a factor for me, all I wanted was that good feeling of finishing a marathon with strength and I was doing it. No walls, no deep emotional dips, no bent-over trudging along. Running with my head up and back straight with some dignity.

Mile 24 came along and I looked in it's #%$(ing eye and gave it the finger. That mile has haunted me for a year now. It was the symbol of how I saw myself and how I felt. I needed to put it back in it's place; make it just another single mile of the 26.2 I could run. I did this that day.

If mile 24-26 of last year's San Francisco marathon were the representation of how I felt for the last year then mile 26.2 of this year's marathon has to be the symbol for this year. I crossed the finish line with strength and my head up. I didn't raise my hands in celebration as I normally do but I looked around and took in the moment with the respect that this course and the trials of life that it represents deserves. It was a good year.

Thanks for listening

Summer of the watermelon

2010-07-27T19:05:00.003-05:00

Hello world.

It's been quite awhile since I've last put pixel to LCD and to be honest I'm a little scared. I fear that I've lost the ability to communicate my thoughts using this forum and that whatever I write from here on out will be rubbish. I want so badly to write something eloquent and meaningful.

Then I remembered that all I really have to do is write what's on my mind. Relieve that pressure that's been building between my ears by putting thoughts out for the world (OK, so maybe just for the few of you left reading this blog) to read. That will be fine.

So last week I got the word that I would be heading to California for work. It was a last minute thing but I always enjoy going to California so I don't mind the short notice. My first idea, once my travel arrangements were made, was to text my good friend Penny and see if she could meet me on the LA beaches for a run. I usually get to stay one night near the LA airport which is just a short hop from the beach and the wonderful, star-laden, beach front walky-runny sidewalk thingy (technical term).

Penny quickly replies that she would love to but will be in San Francisco all weekend. Bummer! Oh wait, isn't there a marathon in San Francisco soon? THERE IS! In fact it's this weekend and that's why Penny is up there! I'm quick like that you see.

This was on Monday and I was leaving on Wednesday for LA. Somewhere between getting to California and spending 2 long days in the dry desert sun, I changed my return flight origin from LA to SFO, bought a ticket from LA to San Francisco ($67! Score!!!) for Saturday, and began the search for a hotel room. The hotel always takes longer because I didn't want to get a car (driving in San Francisco SUCKS!!!, ask RBR) so I had to stay somewhere near the starting line and I didn't want to spend $1000 a night. Eventually I took a chance on a hotel 1.5 miles from the start that was offering a $65 a night rate. That's frighteningly cheap. I was frightened, but figured it was just for 2 nights and it was just me so what the heck.

Once I had everything arranged, I finally took a step back and realized I had to actually run a marathon in a couple days. I hadn't done that in awhile, in fact, I hadn't run more than 13 miles since fall! Crap, this might hurt. My mind took over though and I remembered that I'm bullet-proof. That helps with situations like this.

I made it to San Francisco on Saturday and discovered my hotel was wonderfully old and classy. I don't suppose most people would like it but I immediately fell in love with it's old, 50's era charm. I had my own bathroom and the bed was comfy. I even enjoyed the ride in the very old elevator. Everything about the place screamed that this is where Willie belongs.

I spent some time and huge amounts of money at the Expo. I decided since this was my 3rd year running this race I should probably have some memorabilia from it.

I'm going to finish this tomorrow.... Goodnight everyone. It feels good to be back writing.

Thanks for listening

Vacation

2010-07-05T11:59:00.002-05:00

So I'm on vacation now officially. My toes have touched sand and my ass has been in the ocean.

After spending 2 days in the car driving across Oklahoma, Arkansas, Tennessee, and North Carolina, I decided that I should get a long run in as soon as possible to stave off atrophy in my legs.

I set out on a 12 mile run up the beach-side road at 6 AM while my kids were still asleep. It was quiet and lonely and lovely. A nice easy run that my legs were aching to do. They seemed to have a great desire for every step. So much better than sitting still for 10 hours a day. I didn't see many other runners at first so I had time to get my mind settled and make it concentrate on nothing but the task of putting one foot in front of the other.

Eventually I came upon a wonderful man who I ran with for a few miles. When I say ran with, what I really mean is that we ran beside each other. He with his headphones on and me with my mind clear and disinterested. After a few miles, I began to wonder about this man. I wondered what his story was. Was he a resident of this island or was he also a visitor? My mind eventually gave up the wondering and began to make up his story for him. His name was Henry and he was a Korean war veteran (didn't look old enough for WWII). He was here on vacation with his wife, Audrey. They had been high school sweethearts, been married forever and raised 4 kids. He worked as a pipeline repairman in the oil fields of Texas since he returned from the war. Retirement is looming and he was deep in thought about what he was going to do with the rest of his life and how he and Audrey were going to spend their golden years. His oldest boy, Lyle, ran his own business in Iowa and had invited Henry to come up and help him run the company. This appealed to Henry because he wasn't sure how long he could survive just sitting around East Texas with nothing to do. Iowa wasn't his first choice in retirement locations however and he was apprehensive about working so closely with his son. The weight of this decision and the weight of the years of hard work showed in his running style. Leaning slightly forward, looking almost bent over, he shuffled along at a good pace but it looked labored. He liked running for the feeling of accomplishment it gave him when a good run was finished. He got little satisfaction from his work lately and desperately sought that worthy feeling any way he could nowadays.

So I had this entire story written after only a few miles. I never spoke to this man. Mostly because I didn't want to bother him and partly because I didn't want to find out the truth about him and ruin my story.

On the way back, I noticed a street that ended at the ocean-front. The funny thing I noticed about this street was that it was named "West Summer". I'm at the Atlantic Ocean and this road ended at the ocean front. West Summer? Where the heck is East Summer, Africa? You can't more East in the United States than the Atlantic Ocean. I supposed there was someone running up the African coast by "East Summer" road and wondering the same thing.

I'll be at the beach for the next few days.

Thanks for listening

The heat is on

2010-06-14T19:37:00.002-05:00

Someone turned the heat on in Oklahoma again. It's about time. I got the final confirmation of the return of summer when I ran on Thursday evening and I saw sweat flying off my hands with each stride. It was heaven. When I finished I looked like I had just climbed out of a pool. 6 miles and I felt like I had run a marathon. AWESOME!

My eldest child is away for the month of June and I miss him already. He stresses me out with his absent-minded ways, he causes me pain every time I look at his un-cut hair, he annoys me to no end with his constant requests to practice driving, he give me a heart attack when he actually does practice driving. I love it all. Is that what love is?

I'm hoping to get a running routine back soon. I've been stuck in a Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday thing for awhile now. I'm really struggling to get any kind of mileage in for the week. I need to get my arse back in the gym and get my legs out on the road more. Soon.

Thanks for listening

Feel

2010-06-13T08:00:00.002-05:00

I've had this lingering pain in my knee for awhile now. I hurt it on a 12 mile run when I decided that I would run sub 7 minute miles for the last 2 miles of the run. It felt great to run that fast but as soon as I stopped both of my knees were throbbing. The left one healed quickly but the right one is still giving me pain. That was 4 weeks ago.

This knee pain is interesting in that it isn't something that stops me from running. I'm the biggest wimp of them all when it comes to pain but this pain is something I can run through. It just bugs me during the run and causes me to limp for a few hours after.

So in true Willie form I decided to make this pain go away with the help of vitamin-I. So I started taking Ibuprofen before my runs and I had no pain for a few runs. My theory was that since I could run through this pain and it wasn't getting any worse I might as well mask it. Why be annoyed?

As with most of my plans it worked for awhile but failed miserably in the end. The problem wasn't my knee though, it was my stomach. I hadn't taken Ibuprofen regularly for a long time and it seems my stomach had become happy with not having this drug around. I, of course, didn't come to this conclusion myself. I had to be told. I was taking massive amounts of Tums everyday and was still having heartburn during my runs. It took my fabulous girlfriend to finally put two-and-two together and remind me that I had started taking Ibuprofen at the same time my heartburn started. So I stopped taking the pain killer and have run heartburn free ever since.

My knee pain, however, is still lingering.

My point here is concerning the importance of feeling. I spend a lot of time and money trying to cover up feelings in all aspects of my life. The perfect example of this is described above. In trying to cover up a pain I ended up creating yet another pain that I tried to cover up. This chain could have continued until I was covering up so many pains I would have forgotten what I originally started covering up.

Feeling is an important part of being human. Every feeling means something and has a root cause. Covering up these feelings is, in some ways, betraying the gifts of being human. Pain, fear, love, anticipation, irritation, frustration. Both humans and animals can feel these things but only humans can feel them and understand them and possibly learn from them to make ourselves better.

Thanks for listening

A new first run

2010-05-18T20:28:00.002-05:00

I ran 6 miles tonight in my new shoes and it felt wonderful! It was like running on a cushion of air. I can't explain to you how different it felt to run tonight. I guess I was so used to pounding in the old shoes that these felt like a whole new experience.

I suppose that just proves the old saying that you never know how good you got it until you don't have it. I would add another line to that and say that you really realize how great it is when you lose it for awhile and then get it back. Our bodies are wonderful at adapting to circumstances and they will make do with whatever we give them for as long as they can until something just gives out. Tonight I think I heard my knees sigh and say thank you. They get a bit of break, call it a vacation.

Thanks for listening.

New Shoes!! Happy Knees!!

2010-05-17T20:01:00.001-05:00

Natural Running goes too far

2010-05-15T11:09:00.002-05:00

There's this big fad in running right now that involved running without "real" shoes. There's some book that promotes the belief that you should run naturally, without the aid of cushioning or motion control. I find this mildly interesting and must admit that it has some valid reasoning behind it.

I, however, readily accept that I'm a lazy American and that my feet are, and have been, spoiled. If I had been running barefoot since I was a kid I could probably go out and run a marathon without shoes but I haven't therefore I won't. Maybe one day I'll take the time to try this idea but if I do I figure I will have to take it slow and re-learn how to run. I'm not interested in that right now so I'm sticking with my shoes.

This is the point where you say, "Damn Willie, where are you going with this?". I know that you are saying that because that's what I'm thinking. Oh yeah, now I remember. Since I recently became poor I haven't been able to buy new running shoes for over a year now. I've been rotating between 3 of my old pairs, the best of which has 4 marathons on them. I knew I was heading for disaster in doing this but I figured this was the closest I would get to trying this "natural" running theory. I wasn't concerned about my old shoes not giving me the motion control that I need since I wear orthotics which handle that area nicely. The area that bit me is the lack of cushioning.

I'm bigger than your average runner (too many donuts and too much ice cream) so I need some cushioning. I don't look for those super-duper cushioning shoes but just some form of shock absorbent material between my feet and the pavement. It turns out these old shoes just aren't doing it for me. My Thursday evening run hurt my knees horribly and it was only a short, easy run. I felt good but could tell that I was really pounding my legs. By the end of the run I was in real pain in both knees and knew that I had pushed these shoes too far.

So natural running is out the window for Willie. Shoes are a necessity for me. Maybe I'll cut down on the ice cream and donuts. Nah, probably not going to happen.

Thanks for listening

www.problem.com

2010-05-13T19:51:00.002-05:00

I was recently lamenting my dismay (please note the words lamenting and dismay in the same sentence) with Brooks discontinuing the Infiniti model shoe which is my all-time favoritest shoe.

sidebar: I haven't actually bought these shoes for a few shoe cycles but that was only because Brooks limited the available colors of the Infiniti to puke orange and ass-colored something else.

So I was talking about this when someone mentioned that they buy their shoes online because they can still buy older models. What a brilliant idea! The Internet! Why didn't I think of that? I'll tell you why. Because I have a deep love for the local running store. Any local running store. There's just something special about having a place to go and talk running with people who share my passion. The local running store is like a favorite bar that you go to see those people that know you and you know them. You could drink at home but it wouldn't be the same would it?

So now I have a problem. I found my favorite color of Infiniti's online and they have my size but my guilt has kept me from clicking that little "buy" button. What should I do? I pose this question to the few of you who still bother to come by and listen to my dribble.

Thanks for listening

OKC Memorial Marathon 2010

2010-05-09T09:40:00.002-05:00

The Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon seems to be my new nemesis. In true comic book fashion it's one of those rivals that was born out of a friendship and love first. I love this marathon, it's my (current) hometown marathon, it gives me the opportunity to meet celebrity runners, and it lets me call it "my" marathon.

Beginning last year, however, it stopped loving me and began to fight me. If you remember last year, I ended up in the medical tent following the Memorial marathon and had an absolutely horrible experience. I wrote this off as an isolated incident and could easily explain why it happened.

After running a 3:37 at the A to A marathon a few weeks before the Memorial, I had high hopes for running a decent time and enjoying a great day with "my" marathon. It didn't happen that way. I tried hard to stay up with the 3:30 pace group but lost them around mile 15 and never recovered. I don't have much to say about the experience other than to say I finished in 3:51 and was lucky to have achieved that time. Massive stomach problems plagued me throughout the race and for many hours following the race. It was a beautiful day and the weather was perfect for a PR but "my" marathon bit me....again!

I'm trying to convince myself that "my" marathon still loves me and that she's just raising the bar and beckoning me to a higher standard of performance the way a true love does. This feeling is competing against the feeling that "my" marathon has rejected me for some crime I have unknowingly committed against it.

It's hard to having something you love cause you trouble. I think that's the hardest kind of trouble to deal with. You care about it so you can't just write it off or deal harshly with it. You have to find a way to resolve the conflict with as little collateral damage as possible because you can't imagine living a life without this thing in it. Stupid love, makes things so difficult.

Thanks for listening

Moments

2010-05-04T18:48:00.003-05:00

I've had my moments.

I may not look like much now and I may not feel like much ever, but I've had my moments when I did things that I never thought I could do. Unfortunately those moments span both sides of the line that separates good and bad. Also unfortunately I remember both the good and bad moments with the same level of detail and clarity.

I've run 17 marathons in my running life. There was a time when I never thought I could 26.2 miles.

While I was running those 17 marathons I lost a piece of my life that I'll never get back. There was a time when I never thought I'd ever give that piece up.

I've met many wonderful people in my running life, people I now consider dear friends, people I never would have imagined being friends with before.

I've also lost many friends along that same journey and even made a few enemies. There was a time when I couldn't have imagined having enemies.

This is life. This is my life. I'm living it and I'm learning it. I hate that I've done some things and I wish I could take those moments back but I can't. I also love some of the moments and wouldn't trade them for all the gold in the world. Someday when I'm lost in this world I'm going to remember some moments and they are going to be all I have. My hope is that the moments I remember will make me happy. Maybe that's the sign of a life well lived.

I have many stories to tell about my recent runs but if I'm ever going to get back to writing I need to write what's in my heart at the moment and get it out so it doesn't clog up the channel. This song hit me today and I felt the need to write down these thoughts. It's a start, I'm trying, I've missed it.

Thanks for listening

A new PR

2010-04-17T19:30:00.003-05:00

Anyone ever been to Groveton Texas?

Me neither. Well not before a few weekends ago anyway. I can now scratch that metropolis off of my list of places to see before I assume room temperature.

I have this amazing friend who is from that area and she invited me to come home with her and run the Davy Crockett marathon. I, of course, jumped at the chance to take a road trip and spend the weekend with someone special and their family. The opportunity to run another marathon was the icing on the cake.

Fate had different ideas though. Remember that whole Run-a-hard-marathon-when-I-didn't-really-expect-to thing I wrote about a few weeks ago. Well that little race, no matter how wonderful it might have been, took a lot out of me and I just couldn't bring myself to run a full marathon again that quickly. Oh, and there was an itsy-bitsy problem with my knees. They hurt. Quite a lot actually. So I decided to run the Davy Crockett half marathon instead.

So we packed up next to nothing and jumped in the car on Friday afternoon and headed south. I adore road trips and I loved this one even more because my new car (yes, I gave up the truck) has a very cool radio that includes an LCD screen where you can watch DVDs! Completely illegal and really quite dangerous but still very cool. Good thing Texas is flat and the roads are straight. We watched Seinfeld episodes the whole way. Made one quick stop at Whole Foods in Dallas because it ROCKS and made it down to Chester TX later that night. I'd like to tell you where Chester TX is exactly but I'm really not sure myself. It consists of about 4 houses and a barn loosely grouped together to form a town.

So the next morning we get up and head to the starting line which is on a high school track surrounded by dirt roads. It wasn't until I made my way to the starting line that I realized I might actually be a contender for this race.... brief intermission for a movie quote.... I could have been someone, I could have been a contender...... Ok, I'm back. So the race starts and I'm like in the lead pack. The lead pack consisted of me and 2 other people BTW! So now I'm really freaking out because I start thinking about my horrible lack of experience at being the lead runner! What if I get lost? Holy crap!

Luckily this young guy wearing a full body leotard looking thingy takes off and leaves us in the dust. Whooo, thank goodness. After a few minutes it's just me and one other guy running together for 2nd place. We wind our way through the country roads and out onto a state highway. We're running a good pace of about 7:30-7:40 per mile which feels amazingly comfortable for me. I eventually talk to the guy and he turns out to be really nice. We chat for most of the rest of the race.

By the turn around (it was an out-and-back-course BTW) the leader is looooonnnngggg gone in front of us and there is nobody within striking distance behind us. Now I'm wondering how how the race with this guy is going to go. Neither of us seemed to be fading so I figured he'd be there with me until the end. Factor in the fact that I have no kick and have ZERO experience in actually racing and I was making myself content with 3rd place for most of the 2nd half of the race.

Somewhere about mile 10 I start to hear footsteps behind us. At first I thought it was just the wind or something but eventually I'm convinced someone is catching us. DAMN! 4th is unacceptable! I can't get this close to actually placing in a race and miss it by 1 stinking spot! I start to get upset as my whole strategy of cruising in to a 3rd place finish goes out the window and I have to actually consider racing this guy for 3rd.

This little segment of the story is for all my female friends out there. I hope this motivates the crap out of all of you!!!
Those footsteps I heard were actually from the first female runner! Remember when I said no one was in striking distance of us at the turnaround? Well, I wasn't lying, she wasn't close at the turn around. It seems she was taking the first half easy and then kicked in the afterburners for the second half! She blew by us like we were standing still. She threw some words at us as she passed us but I cant remember what they were. She was amazing!

So that left the 2 of us guys with our now deflated egos in our hands to race it out for 3rd place. Around mile 11.5 I was really cramping up and was struggling just to hold our current pace so I decided that racing just wasn't going to happen. I had a marathon in a few weeks and there was no need to hurt myself just for a 3rd place finish. I let the guy get a few steps ahead of me as we turned off the state highway back onto a dirt road headed towards the finish.

As I was easing up to give my legs a break I noticed that I was now catching this guy! I know for sure I was slowing but he was slowing more! I eventually caught and passed him and that really boosted my spirits so I pushed passed the pain and picked up the pace again. This was my one shot to beat this guy and I had to take it. The dirt road was his demise but it was like heaven to my aching knees. That soft dirt took away the pounding and I was able to run those last miles faster than the ones before it.

My friend dropped completely off the pace and I cruised home to my first ever TOP 3 FINISH!! It was extremely cool to actually compete for an overall position and it felt wonderful to actually RACE! I was on cloud nine for the rest of the trip. I still get goosebumps thinking about it.

My finishing time was 1:32 which was a 6 minute PR for me. I hadn't run a half marathon in awhile so it's not that shocking of an improvement but I'm very happy with it.

So guess what? I'm back on the half marathon plan again. I'm planning to take the summer and try and break the 1:30 barrier for the half. No marathons for me until the fall, probably Tulsa.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Thanks for listening

Just when I've got a plan

2010-04-02T17:48:00.002-05:00

Over the last few weeks I had been thinking about dropping out of the marathon routine and concentrate on 1/2 marathons. I had (notice the past-tense) many reasons for this decision. Included among them were:
1) I'm tired
2) My last couple marathons have taken a larger toll on me than the ones before
3) I'm tired
4) 1/2 marathons are only 1/2 as long as full marathons

Backed by these iron-clad reasons I decided that after the OKC marathon I would take the rest of the year off of marathons and train for 13.1 mile races.

All that went out the window, though, at about mile 4 of the A2A marathon last weekend. You see, the A2A marathon is a point to point course that runs Southward and we had a 30-40 mile-per-hour North wind on Sunday. This wonderful, God-sent, wind was pushing me along nicely at a 7:44 minute per mile pace and I was feeling great! Feeling great at a marathon I had only planned on running for training and hadn't considered ever running hard! So of course I had to run the rest of it hard. I had no choice. The running Gods had given me perfect conditions and I've learned over the past few years that you just don't cross the running Gods.

So I decided that I would attempt a PR and I set my mind on the task at hand. It was WONDERFUL! I felt like a marathoner again. I was pushing myself and myself was responding. I found a new running partner around mile 9 and she pulled me through to mile 19 at a wonderfully fast and steady pace. I went through 20 miles in 2:44, which is my fastest 20 miler ever!

I set a 20 mile PR during a marathon!!!! It was deliciously painful. The harder I pushed the more my body responded. I hadn't felt like this in over a year. It was just like I remembered and it was intoxicating. I had a PR in my grasp and was seriously considering the possibility of breaking the 3:30 barrier.

That's when my legs finally woke up and realized that they were taking a beating. Remember that I hadn't really put much thought into this marathon? Well part of that non-thinking was the decision to wear shoes that were 2 years old. They are wonderful shoes and I've put tons of miles on them so I figured an easy 26 more miles wouldn't hurt. I didn't anticipate running this hard and the toll that would take on my legs without having some good cushioning between my feet and the road.

So after mile 22 each step I took starting sending sharp pains from my knees to my hips. As I continued on the pain got sharper and my pace slowed to a crawl. Even at that crawl my lower body was screaming for me to stop. It's funny how easily my mind slipped out of the euphoria of a possible PR and into survival mode. My finishing time didn't even enter my thoughts those last few miles. All I could think about was how much my legs hurt. In hindsight that was probably a good thing since any mental depression would have added to my pain and it would have been harder to make it.

The race finished on a high school track and they made us run a complete lap to reach the finish. The problem with this was that Paula told me we had run 26.2 miles well before entering the track! That last quarter mile put me at 26.6 miles and my legs did NOT need any additional mileage that day. I finished in 3:37 which is my second fastest marathon.

So here I am with a great race under my belt and that old feeling of joy that comes from a nice, painful 26.2 miles. Just when I decide on something I have to go and have a good race! Oh well, I'll roll with it and see what OKC brings. If it goes well, I may be forced to continue with marathons this year.

On the plus side, my knee hurts now and I can't run for a week or two. Maybe this break will put me back in the 1/2 marathon mode. Oh, who am I kidding, it'll heal quickly and I'll be running again soon. Heck I'll probably break that 3:30 barrier this year. Shucks...

Thanks for listening

That other type of running

2010-03-04T21:02:00.004-06:00

I reacquainted myself with an old friend the other day on a short 3.5 mile run. The friend was a podcast I used to listen to on my long runs called Phedipidations by a wonderful runner named Steve. It's a wonderfully goofy little podcast made just for long runs. He'll pick a running related topic and discuss it while on his weekly long run. It's like having a good friend beside you who talks to you while you run. The best part is you don't have to contribute anything to the conversation which can sometimes be a problem when you're trying to breathe. I like to breathe. It helps me run. Maybe it's just me.

Anyhoo, I was listening to this podcast and his topic was ultra-marathoning. This is not something I'm overly interested in but I listened more for the company than the topic. During his discussion he mentioned something, however, that got me thinking (amazing I know!). He mentioned something about some people running and using their bodies and some people running and abusing their bodies. His point had something to do with either managing your energy so you cross the finish line upright and strong or just pushing yourself to the edge where you crawl across the finish line and die.

I found this interesting because he was obviously touting how good it is to be in the first category. Being good enough to manage yourself, your energy, and your body to get the maximum performance from it. But my thoughts were on the second category. The one that involves pushing your body and spirit to the edge and going past your energy reserves and your body's limits.

I guess that's how I've always seen running. As a quest to find that edge. A way to see how far/hard/long your body can last. And really it's much more than your body. It's your mind and spirit that you are pushing. I'm a die-hard believer that the body can accept much more than our minds and spirit will let it and I like to see hard far I can push that. I suppose this has a little to do with a deep-rooted dislike of myself. Not in a harmful, crazy-insane way, but in a constantly self aware and self evaluation way. I'm happy for my successes and I do believe I'm a good person but I also know that once you stop analyzing yourself and get comfortable with yourself it's very easy to slip into a stagnation of ego that's hard to break out of. Being aware of, but not constantly focused on, your own faults and limitations is a good start to improving them. So I see running a physical way to test these limits and find out where I stand at any given time.

Maybe one day I'll switch over to that other sort of view on running. I know I've felt it a few times. On the 2 marathons I've run extremely well in, I had a great sense that I was running within myself and had managed my body well. My finishing times reflected that and I was running strong when I crossed the finish line. Those were good experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything but they were noticeably different than my usual running experience. I guess you'd say I slipped into those while seeking the other.

Thanks for listening

A Walk to Remember

2010-02-28T06:39:00.003-06:00

I did something yesterday that I've never done before. I swept the course for a 25K race. I ran with the last person in order to tell the water stops when they could breakdown their stop. I suppose I was also out there to find any struggling runners who couldn't go on. Luckily I never had to do that.

The day turned out to be absolutely gorgeous! A little cold at first but the sun was out all day and eventually beat out the cold and made it warm. I waited a few minutes after the start to try and find who was actually the last person in the race. I Thought that part would be easy but as it turns out it wasn't. I had a couple friends who forgot to get a chip and didn't realize it until after the gun went off. They had to go back to the table and get one. So as I was running with, what I thought was the last person, I looked back and saw other "bibbed" runners behind me. Damn, I thought, I'm failing at this already! I stopped and waited for them and was overjoyed to find that they were some of my best running friends whom I rarely get to run with anymore. So that was a nice little reward.

Eventually they passed the runner in front of us and went on. I spent the rest of the day walking and running in the wonderful sunshine with this wonderful athlete. We didn't speak much because I didn't want to interfere with her race. I did get the chance to watch her as she struggled through this distance. I shouldn't say struggled, she wasn't having a bad day, this was her normal pace so she wasn't struggling anymore than you and I struggle through a typical race. She ran when she could and walk when she couldn't. She never quit, she never stopped pushing herself, she was racing and, at least in my opinion, working harder at it than the guy who won the race. I believe I saw the dedication and self-drive in her that I have been missing in myself for some time now. I saw that determined look that comes when you are racing nobody else but yourself and the clock. That race when the world around you stops and you are just aware of each step.

Since it was an out and back course we got to see everyone as the came back towards the finish. Many of the front runners congratulated this wonderful woman and gave her words of encouragement. I honestly believe those that encouraged her did so because they saw themselves in her. For those front runners it was a "them" that was a looooonnnnnngggggg time ago but I suppose everyone starts out slow even if they were 2 years old the last time they ran that slow.

So I ended up walking/running 15 or so miles yesterday. At some point in the race I met up with my very best friend in the world. She was out on a training run but decided to walk with me instead. I have to say that looking back on the day it was almost perfect. At first I was a little sad that I wasn't running the race but in the end a sunny 15 mile walk with a wonderful athlete and a great friend was so much better.

Thanks for listening

I've lost it

2010-02-21T09:06:00.003-06:00

It's gone. I have no idea when or where it went but it's most definitely gone.

I'm talking about my writing. Both the desire and the ability seem to have left me. I still love running and I have many things I could write about but every time I sit down to put my screwball thoughts into pixels the words just don't come. There was a time when the words came easy and I had trouble picking one topic to dance out on the keyboard. Now that dancing has turned to simple walking and there is no feeling in the pixels.

Maybe it'll be back or maybe I'll find it somewhere along the road. For now it's enough just to keep up the experiences even if I can't get them out to the few of you who still read this blog.

Keep running strong and keep a smile on your face.

Thanks for listening

Not so good

2010-02-09T19:56:00.000-06:00

So here's a post I wish I didn't have to write. I'm going to write it
however because it may be the one thing I need to do to get me out of
this. I didn't want to run today. Did you catch that? I said I didn't
want to run today. I had the chance to run and I stayed in bed
instead. My heart and body were tired. I just felt burned out. This is
not the kind of thing I should be writing a few days before a
marathon. Could cause some problems.

Sent from my iPhone

Me, talking

2010-02-04T19:36:00.002-06:00

Hello blog world. What's happening out there?

Not much here, after a few great weeks of good runs I'm having a light one this week. The weather and other commitments have kept me from running a lot this week. Amazingly I have accepted this very well. I'm only mildly more insane than I was before I started this week. Look at me go!

The Austin marathon is next weekend. If I remember correctly a marathon is 26.2 miles of running. Wow that's a long way! Anyone ever run that far before? Could really use some pointers. Do they give you a bike or something in the middle? Hope there's a Starbucks on the course.

I have another confession to make to you. I do this because we are so close and personal. This relationship of ours is the only kind I'm really good at so I'm trying to nurture it with communication. Ok, back to the confession, this is tough for me. Whew, here goes.... I like Nicholas Spark's novels. There I said it! I feel so much better. Did you see that they made a movie out of Dear John? That is one of my favorites too! Gotta see it soon.

I'm rambling now (actually from the beginning) so I'm going to stop and watch The Office. You guys and gals stay classy.

Thanks for listening

Another week down

2010-01-30T13:58:00.002-06:00

Another great week of running for old Willie. Somehow I've gotten used to running in the mornings. I suppose, like so many other things in life, it's all about motivation. Lately I've been on this kick of wanting to run everyday of the week and those morning runs are the only way to make that happen for me.

I ran a great 10 miles this morning with the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon training group and, once again, pushed the pace for the entire run. I'm beginning to look forward to these long, hard runs every week. I'm back to my old plan of 1 speed workout, 1 tempo run, and 1 long run a week along with those easy morning runs thrown in for good measure. The difference is that the long run is now done at a challenging pace and is no longer an easy distance run for me. I think it's really helping me settle into the faster pace. This could be total BS but it's working for me so I'll ride it out and see where it takes me.

We got hammered with ice and snow this week in the greater Oklahoma City area. I had to leave work at 11 on Thursday and worked from home on Friday. What this means is that I put my pajamas on Thursday at noon and didn't take them off until Friday at about 4 PM. I actually got a lot of work done from home which is amazing considering I stopped at the wine store on the way home Thursday to stock up on "necessities". I did miss my Thursday run but I knew it was coming so I put in some extra miles Sunday through Wednesday so I could take Thursday and Friday off without impact to my training or my mental state.

I'm running the Austin marathon in a couple weeks and I'm hoping for a decent run. I've never been to Austin so I'm also looking to have some fun in, what I'm told is, a great town. That shouldn't be a problem since we've got a great group of runners going down. I believe we could have fun at an insurance seminar.

You guys and gals keep your heads up and keep running. There always seems to be a light at the end of every tunnel and there's some love to be found in everyone. Keep your ego low and your sights set on others.

Thanks for listening

Sticking with what you know

2010-01-25T21:34:00.002-06:00

There are many things in this crazy world that I just don't understand. I'll never understand why hulu-hoops are so damn fun for instance. For the most part I don't worry about not understanding things. I've come to accept that I'll walk through life in a daze regarding some things. They just aren't that important to me so I don't take the time to find out about them. Some things, however, continuously frustrate me because they are important to me and I just don't seem to understand how to do them.

I guess in Willie's world it's OK to not understand something as long as you haven't tried to get it. It's NOT OK for Willie to try to figure something out over and over again and still not get it. This just will not do. No no, will not do at all.

The most common of these things that stump me fall into some type of category dealing with an emotion. Damn things those emotions! Both good and bad, I just don't understand them.

Maybe that's why I enjoy running so much. It gives me a simple opportunity to experience some emotions but I get to do it on my terms. It's a personal thing that doesn't require anyone else to be involved. I can have really high highs and really low lows and they are all self-induced. For the most part I still don't totally understand why they come about but I can spend some time trying to figure that out without causing someone else any problems. It's my chance to learn in a controlled environment if you will.

Now I won't fool you into thinking that each run is a science experiment. Most of my runs are filled with a whole lot of sweat and nothing more. But every now and then I get the chance to learn a little something new and that's pretty darn cool.

Thanks for listening

Wow that was fast.... but not fast enough

2010-01-24T18:04:00.002-06:00

I had a great run on Saturday. It was the group run with the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon training gang. We ran 12 miles on the Oklahoma City river trails. I'm not a big fan of these trails but yesterday I really enjoyed them.

I hooked up with a great friend who pushed me through every inch of those 12 miles. He kept speeding up and I kept hanging on. I started worrying about the pace around mile 2 and it got worse as we continued. By mile 7, though, I got that crazy-Willie-screw-it feeling and stopped worrying and just went with it. Don't know why I always equate running with bull riding in those situations but I do and my standard saying/thought is "if you're gonna ride, ride it till she bucks you". So that's what I did. Luckily I didn't get bucked and I made the 12 miles in 1:31 minutes. I was beat-up and beat-down and dead tired the rest of the day but it felt great and I'm so pleased that I was able to do it.

Now here's the depressing thought I had later that night. We averaged around 7:30 per mile on the run and it was extremely hard for me to do that. My Boston qualifying time is 3:15 which is 7:28 per mile. So if I could run that extremely hard pace I ran yesterday for another 14.2 miles I still would NOT qualify for Boston. Ha! A nice reality check for Willie. Oh well, I like running well and I'm still blessed that I can do it so screw Boston.

Thanks for listening

Brief rant

2010-01-18T21:24:00.002-06:00

The worst thing about getting older is nose hairs.

WTF?? Where did these things come from? Didn't have them when I was younger, why now?

Thanks for listening

Coming up for air

2010-01-17T15:37:00.003-06:00

I hope to never stop learning in this life that I lead. Fortunately my absent-minded nature provides me limitless opportunities to learn new things about myself.

I would like to write here that I'm not one to be given to getting caught up in things to the point where I don't see the world around me as it truly is. I would love to say that I always keep my head and wits about me. Sadly I can't write these things because that would make my fingers out to be liars and my fingers don't deserve that kind of scorn.

So here's the question I'm struggling with: At what point should you question your wants and desires? It's OK to want something but every now and then you should take a moment to stop and question that desire to make sure it hasn't become something damaging or disruptive. If you've changed your life and attitude significantly as a result of something you want is it a good change or a bad one? It's foolish to not ask these questions periodically and I haven't been very good about analyzing myself lately.

A harsh but effective way to force this analysis is to take away the desire. It's almost impossible for me to do this on my own accord but the object of my desire sometimes forces my head above water to take a breathe of self-analysis. It takes me some significant wrangling with anger and disappointment before I understand how beneficial the loss is but, in the end, I usually end up seeing the light and making some meaningful changes. I'm stubborn and childish that way.

Thanks for listening

So Far

2010-01-10T14:05:00.002-06:00

So far it's been a good year for Willie.

My running looks like this:

Sunday - Yoga

Monday - I think I ran but can't remember, i.e. I'm FREAKIN OLD!

Tuesday - 5 miles on some good hills

Wednesday - 4 miles around my neighborhood

Thursday - 4 VERY COLD miles in the morning and Yoga in the afternoon

Friday- Rested

Saturday - 8 EXTREMELY COLD miles with the marathon training group

I'm hoping to get out later today and add some to that. Running is enjoyable and I'm actually looking forward to the miles. I've been trying to run the weekend training group runs hard (sub 8 minute pace) and use the weekly miles to recover and get some time on my legs.

In other news, things have settled into a routine pace again. I'm learning how to do this life and what I mean by that is that I'm really not good at it but I may be able to see where I'm going now at least. I have some wonderful people around me that are patiently teaching me. Couple this with 2 wonderfully understanding children and there is a bit of light shining through. Running is my therapy

Congrats to Southbay girl for running a great race today. Also congrats to RBR for finding the courage to register for another one of those swim-ride-run things. You gals are keeping me going and I can't wait to read all about your adventures.

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010

2010-01-03T11:17:00.002-06:00

All things must come to an end and just this week the year 2009 did just that. It ended. As a fitting tribute to 2009 I decided the best way to witness the end was to run through it. So a few of us got together at our beloved Lake Hefner at 11:45 and took off running into the night. It wasn't a fast run and it wasn't a long run it was just a run. A run with a few friends of like mind who wanted to do something to see the old year go and usher in the new one. We talked a lot and, at least for me, thought a lot. All in all it was a wonderfully joyous and sad moment all wrapped into a frigid few miles.

We met again at 11 AM on New Year's day to run some quality miles with a larger group. It was still cold and we all struggled a little (read that: Hung Over) but we were out there, running, because that's what we do. After the run the TRI-OKC club was holding a Polar Bear Plunge at the lake and I made the horrible decision (read that: Peer Pressure) to participate. I'm not sure what the actual temperature was at the time I stripped down to my running shorts and entered Lake Hefner but I know it was really cold. I went in all the way to my neck just to be sure I felt the full experience. I'm glad I did it but it did hurt more than I anticipated.

Saturday, January 2nd, was the first day of the OKC Memorial Marathon training which my running club sponsors every year and is the program that began my participation in the club a couple years ago. We had another HUGE group of people show up in the freezing single digit temperatures at 7 AM to run 6 miles. I decided to run the short distance at a hard pace just to determine my current fitness level. I ran with my good friends Bill and Dave who set a deliciously fast pace. The answer to my question is that I'm not where I'd like to be but I am not as far removed from the goal as I feared. More miles and a little speedwork and I can get there.

I hope all of you out there in blog-land had a great Christmas and New Year. If you made resolutions I hope I can give you some help in keeping them this year. I don't make resolutions at the beginning of a new year but I do strive for continuous self-analysis and improvement. One thing this has led me to is the realization that the thing that makes me happiest is to give encouragement to others. My life goes astray when I'm too focused on me and my needs. My goal is to provide more to this small section of cyber-space than I take from it.

Continuous Forward Progress my friends, thanks for listening

Dallas White Rock Marathon 2010

2009-12-13T16:55:00.003-06:00

It was the best of marathons it was the worst of marathons. Call me Ish-Willie.

Did that get your attention? I thought I'd throw out some cheesy lines from those "other" wanna-be writers to get your appetite wet for the wonderous diatribe that is to follow.

I ran a 3:47 in Dallas today. It hurt. A lot. But I did it.

Glad the 2009 marathon season is over and it ended on a good note.

How's that for a future classic?

Thanks for listening

The miles ahead and the miles behind

2009-12-12T06:58:00.002-06:00

I woke up this morning to the sound of Same Old Lang Syne , a song that I absolutely love but also one that always makes me reminiscent. It got me thinking (again) about how much running is a great metaphor for life.

So many runs ended this past year and those miles are now behind us. Some of those runs were long and slow and others were short and quick. Any good plan will include both because in and life and in running you need to have balance. There will always be those courses and distances you love and run over and over, but you may never know how much you love another until you try it. The miles ahead don't have to mirror the miles behind.

There was pain in all runs and the interesting thing is that we knew there would be before we set our minds on completing the run but we did it anyway. To not make the run at all was worse than any pain we might feel during the run so we strapped on our shoes and started the journey. We embraced the pain as just a part of running (living) and also as a small payment for the wonderful joys that we find out on the course. We redefined pain and fear on those miles behind us and that allows, and sometimes spurs, us to desire those miles ahead.

The joy we feel is indescribable. That's not an overstatement if you've ever tried to describe how running a marathon feels to a nonrunner. We describe it in terms of pain and suffering and how great it is. Even as the words come out of our mouths we have to giggle at how silly that sounds but it's so true. Those miles behind us are pure joy and happiness. Even the bad ones. They are miles that made us, shaped us, and refined us into the runners (people) we are.

At the end of a run there is always some lingering soreness; a reminder of what we've done. Sometimes this soreness is extremely painful and sometimes this soreness makes us smile in remembrance of how great the journey was. Only time can make the soreness easier, either good or bad. Once it's gone, however, the desire to return to the race is still there and we begin the journey again. Maybe in a different place, maybe with a different group, maybe with a different goal, but there's always another run waiting for us out there.

Thanks for listening

Obviously we don't run for the pain. We run for those wonderful moments of exilerahtion and joy and can only be found by getting out of ourselves and discovering something new. Life and running are not spectator sports the joy is in the doing.

Explanantion (veiled attempt to restore my incoming gifts)

2009-12-07T08:19:00.001-06:00

Have you ever said or written something that you thought was really funny only to find that it wasn’t received that way? Happens to me ALL THE TIME!

I really was joking with my announcement below. I heard a similar announcement and thought it was hilarious so I passed it along. Don’t worry; all of you will get the same gifts you got last year. For those of you that I gave absolutely nothing to last year I’ll even increase that nothing by 1000%! Now that’s giving!

Happy Holiday’s and Thanks for listening

From my short run tonight

2009-12-06T19:36:00.001-06:00

Announcement

2009-12-06T09:48:00.002-06:00

Just wanted to let all of my family and friends know that, given the current state of the economy, the naughty/nice cutoff has been raised for me this year. Unfortunetly, none of you were nice enough to qualify for a gift this year. You all improved this year but with inflation the cutoff has reached humanly unachievable levels. My dog will be happy though.

Dallas is a week away. I'm really looking forward to a great weekend of running.

Today I'm watching the Las Vegas marathon online trying to catch a glimpse of some friends. One of them is running her first marathon and I'm so excited for her! She's going to do great and I can't wait to hear all about her experience.

Hope you all are doing well and enjoying the season. Happy holiday's!

Thanks for listening

Onward

2009-11-28T15:28:00.002-06:00

I'm officially registered for the Dallas White Rock marathon. I even have a hotel room and it's still 2 weeks away! How about that planning? I may be turning a corner here.

I am really considering actually running this marathon. As in running it hard and not just for some easy miles. It's my last marathon of 2009 which has not been s stellar year for Willie's marathon performance. Wouldn't it be nice to end the year on a good note? Wouldn't it? Wouldn't it?

Right now I'm relaxing on the knowledge that I can still run marathons and that I still enjoy the experience. But wouldn't a good sub-3:50 finishing time be wonderful in Dallas? Wouldn't it?

Thanks for listening

Sent from my iPhone

A Thanksgiving Rememberance

2009-11-25T18:34:00.003-06:00

Have you ever had something happen to you that you swore you would never forget only to be struck by the memory of it many years later? Today I heard a story on NPR that brought back a memory I thought I would never forget but did. I'll use it as my little way of giving thanks.

When I was a young, know-it-all, high school punk of a Willie my brother was serving in the Air Force and stationed in Japan. My wonderful parents offered me the chance to go visit him one summer and I jumped at the chance. My father went to a lot of trouble to work with a travel agency to plan the entire trip down to the smallest detail. Funny how parents get uptight about letting a teenage boy travel from Southeastern Ohio to Japan huh? Geesh, go figure. Since I knew everything there was to know about everything at that time of my life I ignored most of his planning and figured I could safely travel half way around the world on my own. Just so you get a feel for how inexperienced and unprepared I was let me just say that I had never flown on an airplane before either!

My parents got me to the airport and my first flight went uneventful which just added to my confidence that this trip was going to be a breeze. I flew to Minneapolis where I would catch a non-stop flight to Tokyo. I don't remember how long that flight was scheduled for but it was long. Real long. Really, really long. I did get to fly on a 747 though and I was excited about that for about the first 20 minutes of the flight. That excitement wore off eventually and I realized that I was flying at 30,000 feet over nothing but water for thousands of miles. My bullet-proof teenage ego was strong enough to not let the reality of this situation set in however and I remained confident. At some point over the pacific we flew over a Typhoon. Ever seen one of those airplane crisis movies where the plane shakes so bad that the overhead bins open and things fall out? Yea, that's what happened. People screamed, bags fell out, and Willie? Oh he LOVED it! Thought it was the coolest thing ever. No fear teenager remember.

So I made it through the flight and landed in Narita airport in Tokyo. In order to get up North to where my brother lived I had to get across Tokyo to the other airport, Haneda airport, where I would catch a short flight North. I vaguely remembered that I was supposed to find a bus service at the airport that would take me across town and they would speak English and be expecting me. I wasn't exactly sure where this service was located but figured I'd be able to find it NO PROBLEM, how big could Tokyo airport be anyway???

Ok so I couldn't find the bus service. Well actually I found many, many bus services but none of them spoke English or knew of me. So now I panicked. I was thousands of miles from home in a massive city and I had no idea how to get where I needed to be. That's when I met my angel.

I had seen him in the airport in Minneapolis. He was hard to miss actually since he was clearly Japanese and was wearing a "White Trash" hat and a black leather jacket. I remember laughing at him wondering whether he knew what that term meant. He sat a few rows up from my on the flight but I had never spoken with him. He saw me in the airport and I guess noticed I was lost and more than a little scared. He came over to me and introduced himself speaking perfect English. I told him my story and that I needed to get to the other airport but didn't know which bus I should take. He went and spoke with each of the bus services and confirmed that none of them were expecting me. He also discovered that the bus would take 3 hours to get across town which would cause me to miss my flight North. And just to make sure that I was completely screwed, he said they only accepted Yen and I only had US Dollars.

This is when he grew one of his angel wings. He told me that he lived here in Tokyo and that the subway was much faster than the bus and that he could get me to the other airport. He wasn't sure we could get there in time for my next flight since we'd lost so much time but he was willing to try. Since I had no other options I agreed and we set out on our journey across Tokyo together. He bought all my subway fare and even introduced me to iced coffee which at the time I thought was awful! He told me all about Tokyo and described everything that we passed. He also explained that he was an English teacher at a school here in Tokyo and that's why he spoke such good English. I actually relaxed a bit and was enjoying the trip.

When we arrived at Hadena airport I realized I'd missed my flight North. There were no other flights that day and I'd have to wait until morning to leave. Now I was scared again. My first thought was that I would sleep in the airport but a security guard quickly informed us that the airport actually closed and I couldn't stay there overnight. Now I REALLY freaked! I was going to be on the street outside the airport overnight. My teenage ego was now a crying baby boy who wanted his mommy real bad.

This is when my friend grew his other angel wing. Unknown to me, he called around and found me a hotel room close to the airport. Knowing I had no money he even paid for the room in advance! I was so relieved. I thanked my friend and caught the shuttle bus to the hotel.

It was on this ride that it finally hit me what had just happened. How could I have been so lucky to have a complete stranger just casually notice that I needed help and spend the entire day and quite a lot of money helping me across Tokyo? Oh AND a Japanese English teacher?? Really? My goodness it gives me goosebumps even 20 years later!

I can never thank this person enough. I don't have his name or any contact information for him even if I wanted to thank him. So here I sit 20 years later with my own 2 boys in the comfort of my own home and I am struck by how much this person may have had a role in ensuring my life turned out this way. It could have easily gone so much worse back then.

So this is my little way of sending out a nameless THANK YOU! I'm grateful for what you did for me and I hope you'd be happy that I learned so much from the events of that day. I learned how wonderful an act of kindness can be and how it can have impacts that you can't even fathom at the time.

Thanks for listening

Tulsa Route 66 Marathon

2009-11-23T18:31:00.004-06:00

Hey guess what I did yesterday. You know the drill, no more writing until you guess!

Guess damn it!

That's right boys and girls (mostly girls), Willie ran a marathon. 26.2 miles of wonderfully painful foot pounding joy!

You wouldn't know it because I haven't written a meaningful word on this blog for some time but I was REALLY looking forward to this weekend. I was extremely worried that I would get sick again or I'd hurt some crucial leg part or the world would come to an end or something along those lines but nothing happened! Things may just be turning a corner for (not so) old Willie.

I had planned to go up to Tulsa on Saturday afternoon to hit the expo, drop my children's college funds on meaningless running junk, and grab some dinner. Things didn't turn out that way, however, and I never made it to Tulsa on Saturday. I had a good friend pick up my packet at the expo for me and we arranged to meet before the start so I could actually have a bib and a chip. Those are important things to have.

My truck is technically a vehicle in that it has 4 tires and an engine but, while that engine has 8 cylinders, it is currently running on somewhere between 4 and 6 of them depending on the weather. This left me with the options of either running a 123 mile warm up or begging someone for a ride to the race. Luckily I have wonderful friends and I got to ride up to the race with one of the best. I even got a pre-race meal of oatmeal and yogurt which is now my staple diet and absolutely the greatest combination of foods ever assembled! Heaven in a bowl! Oh and coffee. Always coffee. We listened to Christmas music the entire way to Tulsa because we are both complete Christmas freaks and a wonderful station here in OKC has already started playing constant Christmas music. It was, by far, the best pre-race drive I've ever had! So much fun.

We made it to the race and the nerves started reminding me just how far 26.2 miles actually is. I'm a big enough man to say that I was scared. Really scared. All those horrible thoughts of failure and pain jumped from their beds where they'd been sleeping and were like a 2 year old at Christmas. So very excited to let me know how thoroughly unprepared I was for this marathon. I concentrated on getting all my gear together and finding the rest of our friends to keep those thoughts from dominating.

I was also very excited because I was going to meet Sarah The Queen. I met her and her wonderful husband a few minutes before the race and I recognized them immediately. The pictures on her blog don't do her justice! Folks she is beautiful! The funny thing was that I felt like I knew her husband just as well as her because I'd read so much about him! It was like meeting an old friend for the first time if that makes any sense at all. They are a fabulous couple and I'm blessed to have met them. I can't say enough how fabulous it is to meet blog friends. Every one I've ever met has been GREAT!

Since I really didn't have a race strategy and I hadn't run any long runs I decided to use this race as a training run and just get the miles in. This was the first time that I can honestly say I lined up at the start with no preconceived time goals in mind. I was just out for a long run with a few thousand of my best friends. As I was standing in the corral waiting to start that thought hit me and I felt a wave of relaxation come over me. All the nerves were gone and I was really happy which is something I haven't been able to say for a long time.

The start was really crowded but I was able to get near the 4:15 pace group which is where Sarah said she was going to be. I wanted to run with her for the first 15 miles so we could chat and I could feel out my legs. I didn't see her at the start but figured I'd find her once the pack thinned out over the first few miles. I took off at an easy pace and spent the first 2 miles looking around for Sarah. I slowed up a bit to let her pass me figuring she had been unable to work her way up from the back of the crowded start. More than once I totally embarrassed myself when I thought I saw her and ran up next to some girl and looked them in the face only to discover it wasn't Sarah and that young girls don't like old, bald guys running next to them and looking them in the face.

So mile 4 came and went and I still hadn't found her. I passed a row of porta-potties and had a wonderful idea to try and kill two birds with one stone (or bodily function as it were). So I waited in line at the porta-potties and watched as hundreds of runners passed me. Still no Sarah. After I took care of some business I was well behind the 4:30 pace group and totally convinced that I now would be able to find her. I took off at a good sub-8 minute pace working my way through the crowds and looking at every young girl I thought looked like Sarah. Again with the embarrassing moments. There may be a wanted poster somewhere in Tulsa with my picture on it. "Wanted for harassing young runners".

I caught the 4:30 pace group and the 4:15 pace group and still had not found Sarah. It was now getting on about 7 miles and I had to figure out what I was going to do with this race. I rested for awhile and then decided to just run my original strategy of easy running to 15 then see what I had left from there on in. I wanted negative splits to get that extra work on my legs once they were good and tired. So I settled into a nice 8:30 pace and started enjoying the beautiful day and the wonderful sights of Tulsa. Guess what happened. Go on guess!

That's right! I caught Sarah! Turns out she entered the starting corral from the front and got caught way up front. She was well ahead of her 4:15 pace group the whole time! I love little twists like that. I changed my strategy once and again and decided to run with her to mile 15 like I'd originally planned. After all it's not everyday that you get to meet a blogging friend and I was afraid I wouldn't have any time after the race to chat so this was my only opportunity to talk with her. We chatted about everything and it was wonderful. I can't describe to you how much I was really enjoying this race. It was just a great day and I was just trying to take advantage of all it had to offer me.

Unfortunately, Sarah wasn't running anywhere near her best and she started getting dizzy. If you've read her blog you know she suffers from a heart condition that causes her to pass out sometimes. I was very concerned for her and completely scared at the same time. I'm completely inadequate at helping people when they have medical problems. I am really good at being that crazy-panicky guy who runs around screaming wildly though so that was my plan if she happened to have any problems. She assured me that she wasn't going to pass out and she was being really smart and taking it easy when needed so I relaxed a bit. I also noticed many, many medical personnel on the course which added to my relief.

Mile 15 rolled around and I thought really hard about just staying with her but I was also concerned that I was making things worse by putting pressure on her to keep going. I can also be a bit annoying sometimes and was worried I may be driving this poor girl crazy at a time when she wanted to be alone. After some more assurance from her that she would be OK, I took off at a little faster pace. We had run the half in 2:06 and I was curious to see if I could run fast enough in the second half to still break 4 hours.

I ran right around 8 minute pace for the next few miles and it felt WONDERFUL! My legs were striding out and eating up the pavement. My breathing was controlled and my back was straight and relaxed. A great running feeling!

I was able to keep an 8 to 8:30 pace until about mile 21. At that point my knees started to feel tight and my back was tired. I slowed a little but kept running. I knew this condition was all due to a lack of long runs. I just didn't have the endurance in my knees and back to make the distance. They weren't used to this much time on my feet. It's funny that I didn't get down at that thought though. I almost expected it to happen so when it did I just accepted it.

I struggled through the last few miles and finished in 4:04. I strode proudly across the finish with my head up and a smile on my face. I was happy. Happy with a 4:04. Maybe I'm starting over, maybe I'm getting older, or maybe I'm just accepting what life is giving me with a smile now instead of fighting it. I'll get back to the 3:32 I ran at this race last year but it may take awhile and who knows, I may enjoy the journey more the second time around.

Thanks for listening

Post race reward

2009-11-22T17:11:00.000-06:00

Pre race pic of my wonderful toe socky things

2009-11-22T15:10:00.000-06:00

Pre marathon thoughts

2009-11-19T21:34:00.007-06:00

So I haven't written anything in awhile and to be honest I'm really
missing it. I've given you guys a long enough break and now it's time
to make you suffer at the hands of my pixel shaped thoughts again.
Life is tough sometimes which I think we all know. Everyone struggles.
Those struggles may seem trivial to an outsider but to the person
struggling they are the most important thing in the world and thus
deserve full attention. What's my point? He'll if I know other than to
convey that I struggle and I know you do also. Though your struggles
may not spur me the way they do you, I understand and am willing to
help. Even if that help is nothing more than reading your thoughts and
sending unobservable thoughts and well wishes your way.

Emotions

Running for me is a very emotional endeavor. A wonderful friend told
me recently that my emotions make me who I am and that they enjoyed
that part of me. I, in fact, hate that I even have emotions. As it is
though, there's not much I can do about it. I am me and I have deep
emotions. I cry at the end of marathons, I have a horrible addiction
to Nicholas Sparks books, I like more sad songs than happy ones, I
write a blog in order to get the mess of thoughts and feelings out of
my head. These are not things that a purely logical person enjoys. So
here is the question I have been unable to answer in all my many
years. Is it OK to let your emotions run free or is it better to keep
them under control? I'm inclined to believe, like so many other
things in this time-space continuum we exist in, that it depends. Some
situations warrant restraint while others cry out for open loop
emotions. The trick is to figure out which is which. Still working on
that one.

Fear

I'm running a marathon on Sunday. Let me say that another way, HOLY
CRAP I'M RUNNING A MARATHON ON SUNDAY! There, that's better. I haven't trained much for this marathon and I'm a little scared. I know I
always say 'run fearless' but that's mainly because I struggle (see
above) with fear so much. The logical part of my brain says that being
afraid of a marathon is silly. If it hurts just stop right? This is
simple, I don't HAVE to run 26.2, no one is making me do it. But as
you, my fellow insane friends, know it's not that simple. Dnf'ing is
worse than any pain because it lasts forever. I've set myself up for
this run and failing would be a failure of my spirit which is worse
than any outward embarrassment or shame I may feel. External impacts of
failing are not the motivating force of a marathoner. Most I believe
are motivated by an internal force of personal accomplishment and self
fulfilment. I know I am and I'm really scared that part of me could
take a massive hit on Sunday.

Well as is the norm for me lately I'm out of time. My plane is landing
and the steward is giving me the evil eye. Time is the one thing I
have none of lately. You guys and gals keep up the great running and
I'll be back to a regular schedule of writing soon. Pinky swear.

Thanks for listening

Return to {insert something here}

2009-11-08T18:26:00.002-06:00

Isn't it funny how you can be fully aware of something but it never seems to become real until someone else points it out?

I know very well that I haven't written a pixel-formed word on this electronic shrink I call a blog in many weeks. But when that fact was confirmed for me today by a wonderful friend whom I had seen in awhile, I immediately planned a writing session for today. I think that's call shame but since I don't get the whole "emotional" thing at all, I really can only speculate. It's hard to shame a West Virginia hill-billy after all.

So here I am! I'm writing. See I just did it again!

The tough part is to have something to write about. My subject should be easy to chose since this is a running blog. A blog about running that is. Running blog. Yea. That's what this is really.

Running. Hmmm, that's a tough subject lately. I have run. I ran today, in fact! Look at me go making blog fodder like that. I ran 4 miles at the tail-end of the 12 mile group training run. I forgot Paula so I don't know how fast I did it and I'm only guessing at the 4 mile distance. It felt good but my chest was a little tight afterwards.

I should backup and tell you (the one person left reading this blog, or you, the poor sap who typed a URL wrong and ended up here by some weird twist of fate) that the major event in my life lately has been SICKNESS! That's right people, I'm a freakin hostel for germs and viruses lately.

"Come one, Come all! Stay at Germ-de-Willie! A 5-Star luxury biological disaster that will pamper your entire microscopic family. Kids eat free on Wednesday"

If you remember (Ha!) I spent a week fighting and losing a battle with the flu. The aftershocks of that little rumble were just beginning to wear off last week. Monday I felt GREAT for the first time and I took full advantage of it by running 5 miles incredibly hard (read STUPID). Tuesday I still felt good so I started up my gym workouts again. I did a small core routine in the morning during which my core complained the entire time but finished like a trooper. I continued to feel good after work so I ran a quick 3 miles in the evening. Wednesday I went to Yoga. Take a minute and let that sink in. Willie......Yoga......Ummmmm. That's right I finally did it. I took a Yoga class and it was really cool. I did the Breath of Fire, was a Willow tree, and took the universe into my soul and then let it out many times. I went for the stretching and was satisfied with it in the end. I need stretching and will breathe the universe of Willow trees if that's what it takes to get it.
Wednesday night I ran a quick 2 miles out at the Lake and as I was leaving noticed a slight tingle in my throat. That tingle quickly turned into pain and the rest of my body joined in with gusto so that my entire carbon shell was in full chorus making Willie feel like CRAP later that evening. Those little glandy-things in my neck were (are) swollen like little rocks and it hurt to breathe. So much for being back in good form.
So now it's Sunday and the time between Wednesday night and right now is a black hole of misery that I really don't care to remember. I'm feeling better but my glandy-things are still swollen and it hurts to swallow which I guess shows improvement.

{begin whiny-girlyman section}
I really want to be well. And not just well for a day or two. Well for like a month! That would be great! Maybe I need a bubble. Willie's bubble of wellness I'll call it. Anyone got one of those? If so, bleach it out and send it to me please.

So I'm back. I've missed you.

Thanks for listening

2009-11-03T17:43:00.001-06:00

Map

Elevation (ft)

Pace (min/mile)

Splits

Mile	Pace (min/mile)		Speed (mph)		Elevation Gain
Mile	actual	+/- avg	actual	+/- avg	Elevation Gain
1	7' 51	+0' 30	7.6	-0.5	+72 ft
2	7' 30	+0' 09	8.0	-0.2	-17 ft
3	6' 46	-0' 35	8.9	+0.7	-56 ft
end	6' 27	-0' 54	9.3	+1.1	0 ft
Versus average of 7' 21 min/mile

Posted from traininglog.roadrunnersports.com

2009-11-02T21:07:00.001-06:00

Activity

Route:	--	Elev. Avg:	1215 ft
Location:	Oklahoma City/Tinker AFB, OK	Elev. Gain:	-52 ft
Date:	11/02/09	Up/Downhill:	[+433/-485]
Time:	04:09 PM	Difficulty:	2.8 / 5.0

Weather:	Fair
	73 F temp; 35% humidity
	73 F heat index; winds NW 9

Performance

Distance:	5.01 miles
Time:	0:37:15
Speed:	8.1 mph
Pace:	7' 26 /mi
Calories:	690

Map

Elevation (ft)

Splits

Mile	Pace (min/mile)		Speed (mph)		Elevation Gain
Mile	actual	+/- avg	actual	+/- avg	Elevation Gain
1	8' 13	+0' 47	7.3	-0.8	+52 ft
2	7' 46	+0' 20	7.7	-0.4	-68 ft
3	7' 23	-0' 03	8.1	+0.0	0 ft
4	7' 22	-0' 04	8.1	+0.1	+62 ft
end	6' 24	-1' 02	9.4	+1.3	-98 ft
Versus average of 7' 26 min/mile

Posted from traininglog.roadrunnersports.com

6 Hour Race Splits

2009-10-30T12:45:00.000-05:00

3 M Matthew Wilcoxen   31.92       33 05:57:30

1:    8:58 00:08:58

2:    8:40 00:17:38

3:    8:43 00:26:21

4:   11:04 00:37:24

5:   10:51 00:48:14

6:    9:18 00:57:32

7:   11:09 01:08:40

8:    8:32 01:17:11

9:   15:43 01:32:53

10:   15:26 01:48:19

11:   11:59 02:00:18

12:    8:23 02:08:41

13:    8:34 02:17:14

14:    8:40 02:25:53

15:    8:41 02:34:34

16:    8:28 02:43:02

17:    8:38 02:51:39

18:    8:40 03:00:19

19:   15:21 03:15:40

20:   15:56 03:31:35

21:   12:29 03:44:04

22:   11:08 03:55:11

23:    9:45 04:04:56

24:   11:31 04:16:26

25:   11:31 04:27:57

26:   15:10 04:43:06

27:   10:14 04:53:20

28:   15:37 05:08:56

29:   10:10 05:19:06

30:   11:07 05:30:13

31:    9:32 05:39:44

32:    9:27 05:49:10

33:    8:21 05:57:30

1 Hour Race Splits

2009-10-30T12:42:00.002-05:00

2 M Matthew Wilcoxen     8.09      8 00:57:27

1:    7:26 00:07:26

2:    7:24 00:14:50

3:    7:20 00:22:09

4:    7:19 00:29:28

5:    7:17 00:36:44

6:    7:04 00:43:47

7:    6:56 00:50:43

8:    6:45 00:57:27

Bill crossing 100 miles with Reese

2009-10-25T08:26:00.001-05:00

Reese running 24 hours

2009-10-24T10:55:00.000-05:00

Perspective

2009-10-19T18:58:00.003-05:00

Sometimes things happen in this life that really put things in perspective. I can't decide if I'm more surprised at the patience of our creator or my own stubbornness when it comes to how many times I have to be shown what is really important in this world. My life is not great right now. There really is no other way to say it. It sucks in many ways. But really I'm blessed in so many more ways.

I had the amazing privilege to meet an extraordinary woman today on a flight to D.C. The conversation started out as most do with jovial banter about where you from, where you going, etc. I really enjoy meeting new people and was content to leave this one at the superficial level of airline seat companions but something changed at some point and I found myself deep in an emotional experience I won't soon forget.

This amazing woman has a daughter that composes music freestyle. No sheet music and no pre-programmer recordings. She plays all the instruments and then arranges them into wonderful compositions of boundless waves of melodies. I've always wondered about and been in awe of artists who weave their crafts directly from the heart onto their canvases. I'm not exaggerating when I say this music was good. It really was. The girl is 13! She free-flows this music and you can feel the emotion in the songs. I'm a sucker for talented people who produce honesty and beauty directly from their soul. When the structure and the form aren't studied and force-learned but are planted in the soul of the artist by the creator it stirs my soul and makes me realize how amazingly more than predictable this life really is.

That is not why this woman touched my heart however. She had a son that was a twin of her much-talented daughter. He was 13 and as wonderful and joyously intriguing as his twin. His life was taken by a virus that attacked his precious little heart. He was taken suddenly. I know all this because I shared with this saint-of-a-woman that I was worried I had spoiled my youngest son because I want to hold him all the time and did so when he was younger. We are now trying to break some of his clingy habits and I was espousing the trials of having a spoiled 6 year old when she stopped me and told me of her late son. I was stopped in my tracks. My eldest is 14. I take him for granted much more often than I like to admit. Although he is a teenager, I remember him as a small baby that had wild hair when I think of him. I remember teaching him to ride a bike and putting him on the school bus for the first time. I remember him playing soccer and I'll never forget the day we both played hookie from school and work and played a Playstation game all day. What I can't imagine is the thought of him being taken. Suddenly. How hard it is to imagine that in a few hours he could be gone? That is the one thing I can't seem to get my mind around. I can accept a lot and try to keep myself prepared for most things but that I just couldn't handle.

There is nothing you can do to reconcile the balance sheet after the loss of a child I suppose. Truth is, my heart went out to this woman but it seemed insignificant and much too tainted to be worthy of even speaking with her about it. I have questioned my worth ever since. All the selfish desires I have followed at the expense of others that I care for, all the worthless situations I've worried about, all the personal goals I've sacrificed for all seem nothing more than vapors when put up against the backdrop of what this woman has been through. I wish I could write words that could ease her pain or do this subject justice but I can't.

What I can do is ask you all to go hug the one you love. Right now. DO IT! Don't wait. Don't squander the love that's given to you.

Sorry that this post contained NOTHING about running but remember this is my psychologist's couch too.

Thanks for listening

Sickness

2009-10-06T10:37:00.004-05:00

This flu thing is really kicking my butt. I've been down since Friday evening. And when I say down I really mean down! I have become permanently attached to this bed. I'm taking every medicine/immunity booster known to man and I still can't seem to fight this thing off.

I shouldn't be surprised that I caught this thing so fast. The schools are emptying with kids going out with it. Now normally my body would be strong enough to fight this thing off and keep me from getting a full-blown case. These are not normal times for old Willie though. I'm down 15-20 pounds depending on what day I get on the scale and I haven't slept well in weeks. My diet has been abysmal and it's really a wonder I made it this long. Basically, I'm a walking (running) germ magnet!! Every little microscopic organism that can get near me takes up residence and homesteads on this nice, fertile ground right now. My immune system threw in the towel long ago and posted For Rent signs outside my nostrils and mouth.

I am feeling a little better this morning. My chest is still hurting and breathing is not quite right yet but we're getting there. I am considering ventilating the house today to see if that would help. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not perpetuating the sickness by walking around in the same disease-filled air all the time.

I'll be back to work tomorrow but running will probably wait until this weekend. It's become fall here while I've been down and it's rather cold outside for my tastes. I'm going to ease into this new season slowly.

Thanks for listening

The Valley

2009-10-04T14:07:00.002-05:00

I should be writing a race report for the Spirit of Survival marathon this morning but I can't because I didn't run it. When the starting gun went off this morning down in Medicine Park, I was laying in bed probably snoring very loudly.

I spent Wednesday night with my boys watching TV and just lounging around. We had a good time and everyone was feeling fine. Thursday morning, however, I got a call and discovered that The Big One had come down with the flu. He went to the doctor and was cleared of Swine flu but still would be out of action for at least 7-10 days. That really sucked for him and when I did see him again on Friday night he looked horrible.

Friday night I went to Elite Feet and picked up some Hammer Gel for the race. Then me and The Little One settled in for a restful night. There was to be no rest for me though. Around 7 PM on Friday night I started getting a sore throat. An hour later I had a mild fever and started feeling achy. I took some Tylenol PM and went to bed hoping a good sleep would clear it all up.

Saturday morning I was in full-blown crappy-ass-pitiful-feeling mode. I tried so hard to not let myself get down about the marathon. I concentrated on taking in massive amounts of fluids and getting as much rest as I could. No matter what I tried though I couldn't get the marathon out of my head. I had this empty feeling down deep that knew I was going to be a DNS for this one. I told myself I wouldn't make any decision until Sunday morning.

Saturday night around midnight I knew it was over. I was still feeling horrible and had a fever. The worst part however, was my chest. I couldn't take a deep breathe without coughing. Really hard. And it hurt A LOT! My throat was so raw and sore that I had sharp pains each time I tried to cough. I knew I would have to breathe during the marathon and that just didn't sound appealing. Breathing was a problem.

So I sent the text that I was dreading all day. I wouldn't be meeting up with the group to go down.

I know it was the right thing to do and that's what is bothering me so much. When have I ever done the right thing? It's not in my nature to look at a decision and see both the right and wrong answer and choice the right one! I may be growing up and I really, really, really hate that!

So here I sit, still in bed, still coughing, still have a fever, and now with a big fat DNS in my list of past races. It rained all morning so I know I would have been miserable out there even if I had made it to the race somehow without collapsing. But somehow I can't stop thinking that this just isn't my year. So many things have gone wrong in 2009. Some I brought on myself, OK, MOST I have brought on myself but some have been out of my control.

I suppose that this is all for some greater purpose, at least I hope that it is. Out of all this bad a few good things have already come and I have to keep my faith that this is just a temporary valley and that this hill I'm on is the road out of it. As much as I hate running hills I know that they always lead to the top of the mountain and you can't get there without some amount of pain.

That doesn't stop me from wishing that this hill were smaller though.

Thanks for listening

A good run

2009-09-24T20:34:00.001-05:00

I had one of those runs tonight that makes me remember how much I love
running. My old gang was back together and we did a lap of old Lake
Hefner. It was a beautiful evening with crystal clear skies and cool
temperatures. I felt like I could run forever and each step lifted my
spirits a little higher.

The Big One also had another cross country meet tonight. He has been
flirting with the 20 minute barrier for his 5k's lately. Last week he
ran a 20:05 and we were all hoping this would be the sub-20 minute
day. Alas it was not to be as he ran a 20:07. On the bright side he is
consistent and we can work with consistent! So very proud of him.

I've got a marathon next weekend. The Spirit of Survival marathon is
next Saturday I think. I'm using it as a training run but still hope
to run well. If nothing else I want to get my head screwed on straight
and get back into marathoning mentally. My head has been out of it now
for awhile and I've got to get the head games down again if I want to
PR this year. I'll keep you posted.

Thanks for listening

The Line

2009-09-15T18:47:00.002-05:00

There is a line on 89th street. It's at the bottom of a hill and it marks the beginning of a 200 meter distance that ends at the top of that hill. Some nice person measured this distance and was kind enough to paint the lines on the road for the rest of us to use.

It's a big hill, very intimidating when you see it from the bottom. Not big in California or Colorado terms but big by Oklahoma standards.

I have seen this hill and the line at the bottom of it many times. The first time I saw it was at mile 11 or so of a 14 mile run and it looked MASSIVE! Most of the time I see it near the beginning of my runs so it's a little more manageable. Funny how an obstacle can take on a different look depending on it's position relative to your fatigue.

This line has been calling me lately and today I answered. I decided to forgo my usual speedwork and go out and hurt myself as much as possible on this hill and finally make that line a memory. So I jogged out to the line which is about a 1.5 mile warmup and started my 10 hill repeats from this line.

I barely noticed the line at the start of the first one, I was up that hill before my body really knew what had happened. I know this because when I stopped I began to huff and puff heavily. That is my body catching up with itself and wondering WTF just happened! It felt pretty good and Paula agreed as I'd done that one in 48 seconds.

I jogged/walked down the hill and said hello to the line again. It's reply set me back a bit. "You're gonna hurt today!" Guess this line knew something about my day and what kind of mood I was in which was, in fact, no mood in which to start arguing with a line so I started my next interval. This time all cylinders were firing and all body parts had come on-line. Arms pumping, legs working, head bobbing (yes I'm a head bobber when it's hard), every molecule in my body was working together to get every other molecule up that hill. 43 seconds for that one. On the way down I was remembering Oklahoma City 2008 where I first broke 4 hours in the marathon. That wonderful feeling of having worked hard and achieved something. Wonderful feeling.

"Hey, back again huh? You can't win at this you know? I'll always be here and you'll never do enough to make this easy!" Again I ignored this taunting and set out on interval number 3. Each step took me further up the hill and further into oxygen debt. This time I noticed the dips and cracks in the road. I forced myself to stay on my toes and push off hard with each step. Form, form, form, form, keep that head down and those arms pumping. Quick feet, quick feet. 44 seconds at the top. This will pay off later, it has to. This will pay off when I'm tired at mile 20 in Tulsa and my mind wanders. I'll think of this and know I've got it in me to push on.

"I'm still here, and you look tired. This next one will be number 4, that's 1/2 a mile which is good enough for someone like you. Best not to push it too hard you know, you're not made for this." He came at me quick this time and I wasn't ready. Caught me off guard and I stumbled a bit when I realized I had reached the line. I recovered though and got up that hill in 44 seconds again. I was surprised with that time because I had to push every step on this one. I had left that zone where you can disconnect the mind and let the body run free. I was engaged and analyzing each step. Hard mentally to keep doing that.

"You're half way after this next one, starting to worry yet? You could get injured doing this. I'll be here when you're ready to quit." This was number 5 and I'd decided to take a longer rest between 5 and 6 so I wanted to get this one done! Once again he came up on me quicker than I expected but I stepped right over him as I hit the start button on Paula and charged up another 200 yards. Push this one! It's half way and there's a rest waiting for you! Push, push, push. Stopped Paula and saw 43 seconds again. Great time but now I'm really feeling it. I have never thrown up from running before, NEVER! As I walked down that hill though, I was thinking there's a first for everything.

"......wait....." I cheated myself on the break and immediately started number 6 as soon as I reached the line. No rest at all on this one. Screw that line, I can get these done and get home quicker if I stop spending so much time looking at the damn thing anyway. Up that hill, stomach screaming, legs aching, shoulders sore and tired but the body is still moving. This was pain. Good pain that I deserved. Hurt yourself like you've hurt so many others before. When it hurts, it's good. This one was GREAT in that case. 45 seconds though. Started remembering Andy Payne marathon on the way down. Remembered how it was the first time I really hurt in a marathon and how bad it felt to give up and walk the last miles. Real shitty feeling, much like hill repeat number 6!!!

I hesitated on number 7. My stomach was on the verge and something down deep said, "We need a moment here asshole!", so I stopped and bent over. Found myself looking directly at the line. That line, there's one at every race just like this one. I hardly ever notice it but it's there. That line that is the point where the adventure begins. That point where the body is first asked to move beyond itself and put into gear. That line! What is it about that line? Screw this, thinking way to much and I should RUN! Go, get up this damn hill and you'll have only 2 left. Throw up if you must but get these things done. Stop running on your heels! Get on your toes! push those arms! 48 seconds. Way to go.... you sucked on that one.

"Only 3 left, you could call this one the last and have an even mile complete. You look a little green, better watch out I'm not sure you've got 10 of these in you today." I'm not sure I'm even breathing now, just know that I've got 3 more to do and I don't care how long they take me. This hill looks steeper and longer than it did before. I chanced a look at the top and was immediately reminded why that's a bad idea. It wasn't getting any closer and I wanted to stop. Disconnect the brain and push on, do it! 47 seconds for that one but I finished it.

"Hope you don't feel good about yourself for having done 8 of these. That's nothing compared to what I've seen some people run out here." Short rest again and I was on the hill again. Felt like I was going to stop with every step. Pushed those legs to go each inch knowing that any flutter or mis-step would be enough to break the cycle and I'd be done. I was running on pure momentum and as long as I kept the pendulum swinging I'd get up the hill. 46 seconds.

"Last one, but shouldn't you really do 12 of these? Is 10 enough?"

Ran the last one in 42 seconds and jogged home.

Thanks for listening

Injuries

2009-09-11T10:39:00.006-05:00

I am so inspired by Kristin Armstrong’s writing. She has this wonderful way of making me smile and feel pretty damn good about myself with her words. She did it again this morning when I stopped by her blog.

“Remember what you love to do. Don't put it in a chest in the attic of your being and leave it for your kids to find long after you are gone.”

That’s the kind of stuff she writes that really gets to my soul. I read those words like watching a scene from a movie, they are so vivid and I can picture the entire movie written around that one scene. I love writing like that.

Now before I get into this next topic I want to remind all of you who have read this blog for awhile that I never promised to be consistent or non-contradictory. So no laughing or snickering! For all of you who haven’t read for very long, DO NOT GO BACK AND READ ANY OF MY POSTS ABOUT BEING INJURED!

I have a few friends who are injured and are not currently running. This is a topic that is close to my heart because I know that my annual injury is just around the corner. Being a runner who can’t run is the most challenging part of running for me. I have matured (stop laughing) enough, though, to realize that what I’m struggling with is short-term loss and not significant. Having an injury that puts you out for a few months always seems life-ending but in the big picture it’s nothing more than a tiny blip on the radar.

Running is a life-long pursuit or, better yet, a way of life. It’s more than something we do it is what we are. We are runners and that means so much more than just strapping on expensive shoes and funny looking shorts every day or two. So much more in fact that when we can’t run we are STILL runners at heart. The fact that we miss it so much just emphasizes that point. I’ve said before that when I’m injured and am forced into a gym, I really want to wear a shirt that says, “I’m a runner, I don’t belong here”. As runners we don’t join gyms that we only use sporadically as a way of getting in shape. We don’t buy exercise equipment that will eventually become furniture as a way of changing our lives. We first and foremost RUN and that changes us. We may do those other things as a way to help our running but running will always be at the core if we truly find that love out there on the road. And that, my friends, makes us runners for life even through those times when we can’t.
The fact is that most of us will return to running after an injury and when we do, WOW, it’s the most amazing run in the world! We will find our hearts again and our bodies are re-awakened to the wonderful pain and pleasure of each step. Many people will never know that feeling. Some because they won’t, others because they can’t. I pray that I’ll always remember that and keep it in the back of my mind. I have this wonderful gift that some would give anything to be able to do and I never want to take it for granted.

The next time I feel down about a bad run or I’m upset because I only had time for a short run or when I get my injury and can’t run for awhile, I’ll try to remember the guy or gal in a wheelchair who’s never taken a step. I’ll try to remember the soldier who used to run and now can’t. I’ll try to remember that what I’m upset about is something that most people can’t understand and that it’s a gift that I’ve been given and one that I’m somewhat obligated to give too. I’ll try to remember the big picture and realize that I’m nothing but a whisper in that conversation.
I know whole-heartedly that it’s easier to know and believe these things than it is to actually live them. It’s the living thing that I struggle with.

Happy Birthday

On a totally different note,

IT’S SOUTHBAYGIRL’S BIRTHDAY!

Thought I’d go back and re-post this picture of us when I actually met her last year out in L.A. I’ve always liked this picture because it’s the first time I’d ever met a fellow blogger and was so blown away by how wonderfully nice and interesting she was! Pay no attention to the jerk on the left but make sure to notice the cutie in the middle!

Thanks for listening

Good Steak Running

2009-09-07T19:39:00.002-05:00

I want to start this post off by saying thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. I was a bit surprised that everyone feels I am being hard on myself. I really don't think I am. Not at all really. I do know that my postings of late have been on the down side and I will try and work on that but, to be honest, I don't think I'm hard enough on myself most of the time. I get off so easy with me. I'm a pushover. Geesh guys, get on my case! (get it, I said get ON my case, that's funny... laugh!)

Steak

I like steak and it turns out steak like me! Being the analytical type that I am I recently engaged in a study to find the best pre-run meal. Using a disciplined, scientific approach, I experimented with different foods before each of my last weekly long runs. I gathered the data, compiled it, and developed the highly technical equation below
(The above statements are total CRAP! I just ate a steak last night and had a great run this morning. Probably won't even remember to try it again next week given my recent ADD diagnosis.)

Steak == Good Run

Now I know you lay persons won't understand that but I wanted to get it published quickly before someone like Hawkins gets to it first.

Running

I ran today! I ran 17 miles this morning and it was wonderful. It was sunny and hot and I ran with reckless abandon. I ran 2 laps of Lake Overholser and the first one was smokin! I knew I had another lap to go but I didn't care. I felt good so I went for it. I have absolutely no idea how fast I went because Paula wouldn't get out of bed this morning, wouldn't even try to turn on. Guess I forgot to charge her last night. I honestly think that I ran better because I DIDN'T wear her. Sometimes it's good for Willie to just go run without worrying about pace.

After the run I met up with some good friends and ate massive amounts of breakfast food and drank gallons of coffee.

So after all my griping yesterday I actually did get my long run in for the week. Geesh Willie, get off your case. (Get it, I told myself to get off my own case, that's funny again... Laugh!)

Thanks for listening.

My weekly summary

2009-09-06T18:24:00.004-05:00

Is there some aspect of hurting that Barry Manilow didn't write a song about?

My wonderful week of running took a nose dive.

I did some biking on Monday, about 16 miles.

I ran speedwork on Tuesday, 3, 1 mile repeats with a mile jog in between. My best was a 6:38 which is a little slow but we were on a trail and not the track. (tracks are bad now BTW, hurt my ITB. Bad track! Bad, bad, bad. In the category with trails now. Both are dead to me!!!)

Wednesday I ran another 6 easy miles on some hills. I was really sore and tight from the speedwork so I struggled.

Thursday I was supposed to run around my beloved Lake Hefner. I only made 6 miles again because I was REALLY tight and sore. Hmmm, that sounds familiar! Wish there was something you could do about being tight. Really wish someone would invent something to STRETCH your muscles. Maybe they could even call it STRETCHING. Gee, that would be such a great idea.

Friday I rested.

Saturday I ran 3 miles at Hefner and then rode the bike from Norman back to OKC. It's about 18 miles and it was really fun. Lot's 'o hills! Quads weren't happy but they are whiners by nature.

So that brings us to Sunday, boys and girls! That wonderful day when we all run long and get reacquainted with those endorphin thingys we all love so much. Yea buddy, Sunday's are GREAT! Great days those Sundays!

Wanna know what I did today, Sunday?

NOTHING!

Well, I slept a lot, and that is something I guess.

No long run.

Total distraction for a moment
Sweet Caroline just came on Pandora Radio!!! What a great sing-along-song!!! Sorry, have to take a break and sing it.... That song just makes me feel good!

Ok, I'm back. So yea, no long run today but it's a 3 day weekend so I've got tomorrow.

Tomorrow always holds hope. I can do anything...... tomorrow. It's the one thing I haven't screwed up...... yet.

Thanks for listening.

A monumental average run

2009-08-30T21:00:00.002-05:00

This was a tough week.

It started out OK. Monday was my rest day so I didn't run at all and spent some time with the kids who had started school and come home with the stomach flu. I wasn't around them long at all since they were sick so I thought I was alright. Tuesday I got back with some old friends and did some hill repeats. They were WONDERFUL! We did 10, 1/2 mile loops with a nice strong hill in each loop. I felt great afterwards..... for awhile.

Not long after I got home that night my stomach started hurting. About an hour after going to bed I was up again. Then up an hour later. Then up again an hour later. Then up again an hour later. This went on for quite a number of 'agains' that night. Totally sucky-sucker-ness and painful-painy-lisky. My body had basically rejected my stomach and voted it off the island. The stomach, however, is firmly implanted in the body and just wouldn't come out no matter how hard my diaphragm tried to dislodge it. I think my liver saw an opportunity to get free of the alcohol soaking I've given it for the last 36 years and it may have come out. Not sure what a liver looks like exactly so I may have missed it's exit.

I was out the next day, Wednesday, recovering from the night before and trying to be the mediator for my organs as they came to terms with each other again. Don't remember much of Wednesday but I know I didn't run, or eat.

Thursday I was a little better but still not 100% so I stayed home and tried not to go crazy from boredom. If you think I'm a bad injured runner I a REALLY shitty sick person! Oh it's not pretty when I get my mind back on track but my body is still not ready to engage the real world again. I hate, hate, hate, sitting around recovering. Yea, I know, you're all totally surprised. SHUT UP!

Friday I went back to work but it wasn't exactly a good day. I was still queasy and had to take things slow. Probably not the best idea to go back but that's probably why I did it. Give me a list of ideas and I'm a pro at finding the one that ISN'T the best choice. Wish they'd had those kind of questions on the ACT!

Saturday was The Big One's cross country meet so I didn't get a chance to run that day either. Not that I would have because I had really taken a plunge both physically and emotionally by then. All the pain of the sickness and the stress of missing work and other things had taken a toll and there wasn't much left of old Willie.

So that brings us to today, boys and girls. I knew I needed to get a run in. I also wanted it to be a long one since it's my long run day. The problem was I knew I was struggling just to stay awake and vertical. Running needed to be done but I was facing a demon I'd never beaten before. I knew there was a massive fatigue wall lurking out there waiting for me. I didn't know where it was but I knew it was there because I had those defeated thoughts like, "maybe I should ease back into this with a 3-4 mile run". What that means in Willie-ease is "You can't make more than 3-4 miles so don't try or you'll get beat." I hate those thoughts. Are they my angel trying to safe me from pain or are they my devil trying to hold me back from something.

You'll be please to know that I put all thoughts aside and went for it. Not in a macho way but just in a "shut-the-hell-up-and-let-me-run" kinda way. I started out around Lake Hefner not knowing if I would make it all the way around but I didn't focus on that. I stayed in the moment and ran each step not thinking of the next.

Then it hit. Turns out that wall was sitting there around mile 3. Now I should describe this wall for you since it's very particular to me. A little over a year ago I discovered this wall in myself and it forced me to the doctor and months of inner struggling that I'm just now coming out of. It sometimes caused me to see stars during runs and basically rendered me unable to continue running. I've come to recognize when it's setting it now and that how I knew I was struggling with this week and honestly I was scared since it's always beaten me before.

NOT TODAY! I felt it coming on and I was able to slow down, stay in my head, and run through it. It wasn't easy. I actually think I got through it by telling myself I'd stop after just one more mile. Well that mile came and went and I actually started running faster!

I kicked that demon in balls and left him laying on the dam road out at lake Hefner! Never thought I'd ever say that.

So that's why I'm very excited about, what turned out to be, an average run. I got 10 miles done in 1:26 which is only a 8:30 something average but DAMN it was the best 8:30 average I've had in a long time.

I know I'm not out of the woods with this thing. I still feel it now but I'm just so happy I got through it once. I may fail miserably next time so I'm gonna enjoy the heck out of this little victory.

Oh, yea, Tin Cup was on when I got home too! Very fitting although I'm a bit too tired to watch it all. Just the thought of it makes me smile.

Ya'll are doing great and I love reading about your running. Can't wait to hear more so keep writing!

Thanks for listening

Total Stud

2009-08-29T21:58:00.004-05:00

Look at that boy run!

Nice Stride!

Now that's a good running form!

You've been watching The Big One run his first Cross Country meet. He ran a 20:20 and looked pretty damn good doing it if I do say so myself.

Thanks for listening

Super Natural Running

2009-08-27T17:59:00.001-05:00

Wonderful new theory on running. Not a big Nike fan but this is something I think I could get into.

Check it out

Thanks for listening

The best you can say

2009-08-22T19:06:00.002-05:00

I find myself saying the phrase "The best I can say lately is....". Sometimes life gets like that, or maybe we just sometimes see life that way. Regardless, I think it's always good to at least say the best you can. No need to say the worst. Doesn't make you or anyone else feel any better and, by God, if we're here for nothing else, we should at least try to make each other feel better.

First I have to tell you about The Big One's triathlon last weekend. It's a quick story.

It Didn't Happen.

It seems the fates had different plans for my eldest last weekend. We had gone to a local lake so he could fish while The Little One and I played on the playground. As I'm sitting on a lovely bench in the shade, I see this limping figure coming towards me. Of course I new immediately it had to be my son. Of course! He had stepped on a stick that was sticking straight up out of the ground and it had punctured his sandal and gone into his foot. PERFECT! Lot's of blood and right in the middle of his foot. He swore up and down that he would run the Tri the next day but I knew better. I loved the totally-Willie-like attitude of ignoring the obvious reality of a bloody hole in your foot and committing yourself to go run! Good Lord that's what I gave him??? My totally-screwed up view of reality and need to stand up to totally impossible odds? Go me!

So he woke up the next morning and had a different attitude. Whew! Maybe there's a chance for him yet. He couldn't walk on his foot so he determined it best not to do a Tri. Look at the logic! Ha, that 'a boy!

So that ended that adventure last weekend. We did venture up and watched the Tri. One of my good friends won the Master's division! She ROCKS!

So in my running world things are going pretty well. I'm really trying hard to get my weekly mileage up in the 30-40's. I'm also shying away from the group/social long runs. I really believe I need to get out and put in the long miles in solitude so my head can find that wonderful place it goes to on long runs without the distractions. I think I've become mentally weak. I've also started running at lunchtime which is wonderful for a couple reasons. First, because it's usually HOT and SUNNY! Love that. Second, it gets it done so I don't have to try and fit it in once I get off work. I use those runs just for maintenance miles and try to run 4-6 miles at a steady but not hard pace. Two weeks of that now, hoping it continues.

Next week I am going to start speedwork/hill training again. Tuesday I've made plans to join up with the old gang of track-junkies and get some kind of harder workout done. It will be great to get back with these wonderful people who pushed me so wonderfully through some tough track workouts last spring. They both left town for the summer and we haven't run for some time. Should be wonderful on many levels.

The best I can say right now is that I'm hanging on. I love reading all my blogging friends posts as they make the hanging on that much better. I haven't run off to Alaska, like some people!, but I know I've been absent from the virtual world for awhile.

Thanks for listening

A Fine Evening

2009-08-14T20:50:00.001-05:00

I'm writing on my phone so please forgive my thumbs if the stumble on
these tiny keys.

It's a beautiful evening here in fabulous Oklahoma and I'm sitting on
a bench watching the sun kiss the horizon. The Little One is playing
with some new friends he just met on the playground and The Big One is
out riding my bike getting used to the gears because HE'S DOING A
TRIATHLON ON SUNDAY!

That's right, my boy is going to do another Tri. He's really excited.
This one is an open water swim which he practiced last week and was
great at and he get's to use my bike which will be a big improvement
over his last Tri where he used his mountain bike. He's been running
with the High School (Yes I have a High Schooler now, and yes I feel
horribly old!) cross country team so he should make the run alright.

I'll be there to provide cheering and much embarrasment which is my
role as his adoring father. I was tempted to do it with him but fought
the urge. This will be his moment and his glory. He deserves to have
it all to himself. I'm going to try my best to avoid the advice giving
and guiding as much as possible and let him be in control. I really
want him to experience this on his terms, his triumphs, his mistakes,
his highs, his lows. I want this to be as hard as possible and I want
him to overcome it and feel that amazing feeling of self realization
that comes from it.

We are all flawed in this life and striving and overcoming is a
wonderful way to fall in love with ourselves again and forget those
flaws for awhile. We all deserve to have the opportunity to achieve
something on our own, screwed up, terms.

Can't wait to write the race report!

Thanks for listening

--
Sent from my mobile device

16 Miles for a start

2009-08-09T21:06:00.002-05:00

I took a step today on my Back to Basics journey. I set aside this morning for nothing but running and it was fabulous. I had the opportunity to run around Lake Draper which has some pretty good hills, which made the run t much better.

I set out around 8:30 which allowed the sun to get really high and hot. Gotta have my sun, sorry Southbaygirl. The first few miles were just amazing. It was quiet, no traffic, and I was running down the middle of the road trying to save the ITBs. I left the Ipod at home so I could let my mind wander. I was really trying to get back in touch with that wonderful old feeling I used to get on Sunday afternoons when I started running. The road twisted and turned and I kept running, just running. My new shoes were doing fine and I was really enjoying their extra cushioning and lighter weight. I loved that I noticed that too. I realized that I had gotten so caught up in other aspects of running that I hadn't thought about my shoes in awhile. I was missing the little things about running that used to give me so much joy. Little things.

I took Paula with me but I didn't pay much attention to her. I was running totally on feeling. I wanted that time on my feet more than I wanted any special time on my watch.

I made it about 8 miles before I started to feel the heat and really start to suffer. I slowed a bit and even walked a little. I was half-way into the run and struggling. This time, though, I refused to get that defeated feeling. Struggling is something I used to do all the time. I've become arrogant enough now, I guess, that I don't expect to feel that way ever! How did I ever get that far gone? I have this bloated self-image that I'm something better than that, like I should never feel tired. Not this time, I accepted my fatigue and even embraced it a litte as a way of getting pasted it. No more denying it can happen.

After a short while I was running again. Running slowly but running none the less. I made it to the turn where the hills began and took a short break. I was pretty beat up and really sun burned. I decided that on these last 3 miles I would run the hills hard and walk the downhills and flat sections. I had run a good 12 miles of easy distance which was enough. Now I'd finish it off with some good hill work and then take the old bones to the house for an ice-bath.

The hills were marvelous! The heat was killing me so I decided to jog the downs and flats just so I could get done sooner. This made for an intense last 3 miles which was the perfect way to cap off this run.

Now here's a little more of that arrogance coming through again. I only did 16 miles and it took me 3 hours so WHY AM I COMPLETELY DEAD? I feel like I've run 2 marathons and then been run over by a truck! Am I that out of shape? I suppose I am and I need to accept it. I must learn to accept my position in regards to training (and other things) and not fool myself into thinking I'm better than I really am. I can do it now that I recognize it for what it is.

You guys and gals keep up the good training. I'm trying to keep up with all your wonderful adventures and successes, sorry if I don't comment all the time but know that I'm giving you a silent WAY TO GO in my heart!

Thanks for listening

Back to Basics

2009-08-05T09:16:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone! I am still alive and running, just not blogging much lately. I hope everyone is feeling and running well.

Since San Francisco I’ve run really well. My ITB pain is completely gone and I’m trying to get back in some kind of training rhythm. I’ve also been biking a bit just to mix things up. I like biking but it’s not running and I don’t plan to enter the Tour de France anytime soon so you’re safe Lance. I am still struggling with sleep and it has impacted my ability to run well.

After some brief retrospective (look at that word! Who’s distinguished now???) analysis, I believe part of my problem in San Francisco was a lack of endurance. I had been paying much more attention to the speedwork and tempo runs than to my bread-and-butter weekend long runs. I’m going to remedy this. Time to hit the roads for some serious time on my feet.

I find it kind of funny that I could get to the point where I actually need more long runs. It was not too long ago that I was trying to get more speedwork and tempo runs into my training because it seemed all I was doing were long runs. How could I get this far away from what I absolutely love? I miss you long runs! I miss your relaxing, sun-filled hours of thoughtless running. Those wonderful days spent at Lake Hefner when I would block off an entire afternoon to do nothing but RUN. This is where I found myself a few years ago and now it seems I’ve lost myself again so it’s time to go back “home”. I could go on and bore you with some lengthy, drawn out metaphor about life here but I’m trying to stick to running. Sorry if I’m too deep lately, sometimes my sappy side gets the best of my fingers and they just start typing away. Gotta remember that this is a running blog and not a psychologist’s couch no matter how much I need it to be sometimes.

I’m working out the details of my fall marathon plan. It looks like I’ll be staying local for all my marathons this fall. I just don’t have the time to travel around as much I would like. Right now it looks like the Spirit of Survival marathon in October, Tulsa in November, and Dallas in December. That is more than enough I think. My plans are to concentrate on Tulsa again and use Spirit of Survival as a long training run and Dallas as a backup.

First things first though, I’ve got to get those miles on my feet. Got my plan from Runner’s World Smart Coach and it starts week after next.

Thanks for listening

Great Quote I just read

2009-07-31T09:54:00.000-05:00

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

Sing to Me of Heaven

2009-07-27T17:38:00.013-05:00

Sing to me of Heaven

Let me fondly dream

Of it's golden glory

Of it's pearly gleam

I had 2 songs picked out for my marathon on Sunday. Nickleback's "If Today Was Your Last Day", and Lady Antebellum's "I Run to You". I spent considerable time getting these songs into my pea-brain. It was all for not.

A group of us Landrunners flew out West this last weekend to run in the San Francisco marathon. Little thing, you may have heard of it, or maybe now. Anyway, we thought it would be fun to go out and run across the Golden Gate bridge. Nice change of scenery from Oklahoma. Our bridges have no gates, nor do they have gold. After a marathon sweep of the country from Oklahoma to New York back to Oklahoma then to Florida, I hoped on an airplane to San Francisco Friday and got into town around 10:30 Friday night. I was a bit tired.

Saturday we slept in a little and then my buddy and I went for a nice little run down to the start/finish area just to check things out. Did I mention my buddy runs really, really fast? He does and we did. It actually felt really good to let the legs go free after so many weeks of non-running and only a few days of easy running. I think we did a little less than 4 miles and enjoyed the weather and the scenery a lot. San Francisco has such great running weather. I'm not a big fan of cloudy and cold but it is nice to run races in. Give me 110 and sunny for training but come race day I'll take 60 and overcast with a little mist any day!

After our little run and massive amounts of Starbucks, we met up with the rest of the group and headed over to the expo to check in and find reasons to buy absolutely necessary worthless running junk like I do every expo! I was also excited because I was going to meet up with Southbay Girl again! She had come up for the race this year and I couldn't wait to see her again. Always nice to see the face behind the pixels. She even brought someone new for me to meet. Jo Lynn, ultimate-trail-runner-extraordinaire, came too! Very cool. We had a nice brief chat and then left to go explore the city before dinner.

Sing to me of Heaven, sing that song of peace,

From the toils that bind me it will bring release;

Burdens will be lifted that are pressing so,

Showers of great blessing o’er my heart will flow.

We spent Saturday walking around San Francisco. We also rode trolley cars! Very, very cool! We saw Lombard street and every other hill in San Francisco too I think. They have a lot of hills. More on that later.

Ok so the race....

Got up Sunday not feeling great. I was afraid the traveling and fatigue had caught up with me but that all vanished when I got near the starting line. The energy of marathon morning is intoxicating! I fed off of it! I went from feeling down to riding high and was determined to make the most of it. If I couldn't have my own energy I'd use the crowds. We met up with SouthBay Girl again and this time she had RBR with her!!! AND, AND, AND IT WAS HER BIRTHDAY! How freaking cool is that! She was turning 29 and was fully decked out in a Boa and tierra (on top of the pink hat of course). She hadn't changed a bit and I got even more energy from just being around her.

We all decided to start in the same corral. My buddy should have been one higher but he's such a great guy that he moved back into mine. We told SouthBay Girl and RBR that we would run with them. They didn't' believe us. Damn, hate it when they're right! We didn't last 100 yards. The excitement got the best of us and we were off through the crowds making a decent pace up the Embarcadero, dodging people and taking in the early morning San Francisco scenery. We were running slow for my buddy's pace but I think he was holding back both for me and for the fear of the hills to come.

On our way up to the bridge we got hit with some sprinklers around Ft. Mason! Big sprinklers! Like totally gushing water-fall sprinklers. I was cold. Now I was wet and cold. Yippee! Laughed that off but it was still an annoyance. We had a lot of trouble this year dodging people. It seemed much more crowded than it did last year. This hurt our pace a little but again, I think it may have helped us later in the race.

Sidebar:

The group that I came with had asked me earlier about the hills in San Francisco. I told them on many occasions that I didn't remember the hills being all that bad. I also remembered the hills were worse in the second 1/2 than in the first. Funny thing, I say lots of things and no one usually remembers what I say. Every one of my group mentioned my previous, EXTREMELY INACCURATE comments following this year's race! OMG, San Francisco has mega hills in the first half of the marathon! What was I smoking last year when I ran this?? I honestly didn't remember all those hills. I SURE HAS HECK REMEMBER THEM NOW!

So them hills. Yes, there were hills, San Francisco has hills OK? Geesh, I know that. We hit the first one in The Presidio and it wasn't too bad. The next one was the one leading up to the bridge and it was pretty tough. Long, twisting climb up to the toll gates. A fellow climb-sufferer noticed my Oklahoma shirt and commented that we probably didn't have any hills like this back there. A-ha-ha-ha-ha buddy, aren't you just a funny one! Bite me, I'm dying here OK?

The bridge was absolutely fabulous as it always is! Foggy but a wonderful experience anyway. A little more crowded this year so lots of people dodging but still got some great pictures. We kept a good pace when we could but really got stuck behind the crowds a couple times.

After the bridge the real running started. There's another monster hill shortly after the bridge and we took a beating on it. I lost my buddy somewhere near the top. I think he slowed up for the water station which I didn't dare do because I was afraid of rolling backwards into the bay if I did. Where the heck was this hill last year!!! Geesh! So I ran the next few miles alone and tried to get a nice easy pace going. I fell comfortably into a 8:30 pace so I was still doing good and feeling good. Some more rolling hills and we entered the Golden Gate park.

2nd Sidebar
If a little Japanese man comes out on the race course with a pie plate and tells you to hit it, don't let your ego get the best of you. Hitting a metal pie plate with your knuckles on mile 10 of a marathon hurts like hell! No motivation in that.

I had planned my normal Gel strategy of mile 7, 16, 20-22 and had got the 7 miler down on time but I began to feel the need for another shot around mile 11. I was worried about bottoming out so I took it then but immediately was concerned about only having 1 Gel left with 15 miles to go. I decided I'd grab a Gu at the first water stop that had them and take it last and maybe it wouldn't hurt me as much then.

My buddy caught me as we were heading into the park. We went through the half at about 1:53 which was a little slower than planned but we were OK with that considering the hills. I still felt good. I knew I was fighting it and it was hurting but I still had my head on and was in the game so I just prayed it would continue.

Gotta give a shout-out to the Hash House Harriers! I love these people! They give out beer every year and it's wonderful. A little PBR at mile 16 or 17 is a great boost to the system and they are so energetic too that you have to run good when around them. Great bunch of people.

I started bottoming out again shortly after mile 17 so I took my last Gel but I was a little late since my pace slowed and I lost my partner. He continued on as I slowed a bit waiting for the oozing goodness to seep into my veins and bring on those good feelings again. It finally kicked in as I was leaving the park and getting back up on the streets around mile 19. I lost a considerable amount of time but was still running and now had run through 2 low points in this race so I had some confidence in my ability to face down that demon. Things were looking up! My pace picked up and I got my head back in the game. Went through mile 20 in 2:54 which I was completely excited about. My best 20 mile time on a training run is 2:50 so I knew I was running right where I needed to be. I hadn't been keeping good mile splits so it was nice to see that I was on schedule for a good finish.

Miles 20 through 23 went pretty quick and I was running strong. It hurt a lot and I was enjoying it. It was that wonderful feeling you have when you feel the pain but you know you can push through it. I love that. I search for that feeling. Makes me feel alive, like I actually have some control over this bag of bones. I WAS ALIVE! I hurt so bad but I was feeling so good. That's what I look for every marathon. Sometime I only get one or the other but when I get them both it's the most amazing feeling in the world and it's better than crack!

Anyway, I was feeling so good and keeping a good sub-9 minute pace but I could feel another low coming on. I took the Gu I had swiped for the last water stop but I didn't have any water and I desperately needed some. I was having a terrible thirst after that Gu and I kept waiting for water around every corner but kept finding nothing! I finally found some water just after mile 24. I was really hurting though so I stopped to get a little extra. HOLY CRAP bad idea! My knees hurt so bad when I stopped! I immediately took off again for fear of becoming totally unable to run.

Once I started running the pain went away which was totally awesome! I was so into this marathon, I can't explain how much I was enjoying this experience. I had pushed through barriers, I was experiencing pain and getting over it and through it. This was an experience, not just another run and I was completely in it. My head was swimming through the waves of emotions and thoughts. Somewhere after mile 24 I noticed Paula was just passing through 3:30 so I knew I was right on pace to match or beat 2008's time of 3:50. less than 2 miles to go and I had 20 minutes to get it done and set a new course PR. Thing were going great.

Then it all fell apart and I'm still not sure what went wrong. All I have in my head is that I quit. Yes, that's right, the "Run Fearless", "Live life to the fullest" guy quit on himself somewhere after mile 24 in San Francisco. I guess the lack of energy and the delayed water put a hurting on me and when I expected to recover like I'd done before I just didn't. I hit the bottom and couldn't get up again. This was the defining moment of possibly the greatest experience of my running life and I failed. I had this race, I had it! I'd overcame hurdles and pushed through the pain and was ready to finish this thing off when my mind slipped for just a second and it was gone. I gave away all those wonderful gains I'd made before. I stopped running. Just stopped, don't even really remember doing it but I knew I had. My head was spinning and I couldn't even fight it. That "in-control" side of me left or was beaten. I was thoughtless and energy-less. My arms weighed a ton and my head was broken forward. I walked.

And walked.
And walked.

I walked from just after mile 24 to the finish. I walked past the cheering crowds who shouted for me to run. I walked past the little grassy patches of park where I almost stopped and quit completely. They looked so inviting and I was just so tired. I walked down Embarcadero towards the finish line. When I got close enough that I could hear the announcer I finally regained my senses. I guess Bart Yasso's voice jolted me back to reality. I was still walking but I had my head back a little and eventually I jogged across the finish line. Paula said 4:01:26.

The last 2 miles took me over 30 minutes.

Sing to me of Heaven, tenderly and low,
Till the shadows o’er me rise and swiftly go;
When my heart is weary, when the day is long,
Sing to me of Heaven, sing that old, sweet song.

I do remember one thing from my walk though. There was a Mexican band playing near where I lost it. The singer was speaking Spanish right up until I am near and then he yelled to the crowd, "Are you dead or are you alive!" They all cheered. He wasn't talking to or about me but in hind-sight I wonder if that wasn't my inner voice trying to wake me out of my trance. Problem was I couldn't hear it. I had already quit.

Now let me say that a 4:01 in San Francisco is a GREAT time. I'm totally OK with that time. What I'm not OK with and what I still have to get my mind around is that I faced down a demon and lost. I had the opportunity to push through and I didn't do it.

After the race I found a quiet spot and covered myself with the Mylar blanket. I was way to emotional to be around anyone else. Everything came at me and the full weight of what had just happened sank it. I need to make some changes. I need to get on a better path.

Eventually I got what was left of my carbon-based shell together and found my buddy. He had had a tough race too and was ready to hit the showers and start the post-marathon celebration. I swallowed my emotions for later days and joined him whole-heatedly. No need to dwell on something I neither understood nor could remedy. I had my shot and I blew it, no second chances. Move on!

We had a ball! I met up with SouthBay Girl and RBR for lunch where we swapped stories about the race. Those two had a ball! They had so much fun and have the pictures to prove it. They may be banned from San Francisco and may have offended some people too but DAMN they enjoyed the hell out of that race. I love it! I couldn't have been blessed with better blog friends.

Later we met up with our Oklahoma group at a local Irish pub so they could beat me up some more about how "flat" this course was. After this we desperately needed chocolate so we took the bus down to the Ghirardelli factory for some free samples. Then we hit the sourdough bread company for Crab and Corn chowder in a bread bowl! That's what I'd been waiting for all along. I was completely full and could only enjoy a little of it but it was the perfect completion to my trip.

I sometimes wonder if God doesn't get to feeling like I feel sometimes with my kids. You want so badly for them to do the right thing and you also want them to find it on their own. You can let them go only so far though before you just have to step in and take over for a bit to put them back on track. I had great plans for this day and they weren't fulfilled. I wasn't even able to pick the song in my head.

With that said, I really think I got just what I needed.

Pictures are posted above, stats below.

Overall:
1485 out of 5036

Men:
1199 out of 3326

M 35-39:
229 out of 568

Age/Grade:
51.81% Place: 2240

Finish:
4:01:24 Pace: 9:13

Tag Time:
4:01:24

7.6 Mi:
1:06:48 Pace: 8:48

Half:
1:53:58 Pace: 8:42

20 mi:
2:54:38 Pace: 8:44

Thanks for listening

A Walk on the Beach

2009-07-22T17:29:00.002-05:00

I got a good hard 5 miles in tonight here in sunny, warm Florida. I ran a few miles Monday morning just to test the knee and that went well so I decided to give it one more day of rest and then hit them with a good run tonight. They took it well and I haven't had any pain at all from the ITB. I think I may be ready to run a marathon or something. Probably a good thing since I have one of those planned for Sunday. Just a little one out West somewhere around a bay or something.

I went for a walk along the beach after my run tonight. I wanted to get my feet wet with the cold water but didn't want to get totally soaked. I found the sand was firmest at the point where the waves ended their journey up the beach so I walked there. The waves would roll in and I would wait for awhile and then continue when they went back into the sea. Every few feet another wave would come at me and I would have to wait until it went back before I continued.

This went on for awhile until I became tired of constantly stopping and waiting for every wave. So then I tried to avoid the waves by walking up the sand a bit every time one would come in. This put me in deeper sand and made the walking harder. As the waves would roll out I would walk back down into the firmer sand where I had started and continue walking. Then another wave would roll in and I'd be back up the sand trying to avoid it but getting caught in the deep stuff again. Going towards and away from the waves made my path very long and the walking very hard

This went on for awhile until I decided to just go deeper in the water so that I wouldn't have to deal with the waves rushing at me and splashing my legs. I waded out into the water a bit where the water was a consistent depth and continued along. My path was now straight but I discovered a few holes in the sand that were covered by the water and it made the footing unsure and I became timid with each step. I was walking on sand that I could not see because it was covered up by the water I had waded into. I was also very wet and not comfortable.

Eventually I went back to the path I had started on. This time I walked on through the waves when they rushed at me and continued on my path after they rushed away. I would get splashed every now and then but was surprised to find that I kind of enjoyed the splashing once it was over. I also realized that every wave looks like it's moving fast as it's coming at you but that most are not that bad when they hit you. But the most important thing I learned was that they all return to the sea eventually. You're never in the water for very long as long as you stay on the path you've chosen and don't try to avoid or confront the waves. Just maintain your course and these waves will pass.

I think I learned a lot tonight.

As I was walking back to my hotel I saw some young boys playing on the beach and I missed my boys so much it hurt. I had a tear in my eye by the time I made it back here to the room but I know that this wave will pass too.

San Francisco is in 4 days. Bring it on.

Thanks for listening

Check this out!!

2009-07-19T08:36:00.003-05:00

5K 19 and under Champion
5th overall
sub-20 minute 5K

That's my boy! Desperately needs a haircut but TOTALLY FREAKIN AWESOME RUNNER. He makes me so proud and I love him more than he'll ever know!

Thanks for listening

Head games

2009-07-16T20:20:00.004-05:00

I've spent that last week in upstate NY. The weather has been amazing! Highs in the 70's and sunny. Perfect running weather if my knee wasn't giving me problems. I think you'll be proud to hear that I only ran one night while I've been here. Of course I did 10 hill repeats that night because there's this wonderful hill in our front yard so I couldn't resist. It felt wonderful and didn't hurt my knee that much.

We decided to stay at a little bed and breakfast on this trip. We had heard so much about this place, how lovely it was and how nice the owner was, so we decided to try it. It has been AMAZING! The house is pre-civil war and sits on a lovely hill just outside the little town we come to here in NY. The entire house has been renovated but most of the original stone and wood-work has been preserved. It has these wonderful 12 foot ceilings in every room that make it feel so big but yet so cozy.

Oh and the FOOD! Remember when I was talking about dropping 10 pounds? Not a problem anymore, got that back the first night with the ribs. Woke up the next morning to buttermilk waffles with fresh blueberries, that added a few more pounds back on. Then I added a few more pounds the second night when we had 2 inch steaks. Woke up the following morning to breakfast burritos which I swore I wouldn't eat. Just coffee for me that morning, yep, I was going to... oh what the heck give me one, then one for the ride to work. We missed the next two nights of dinner because we had dinner with our customer but came home tonight to homemade key lime pie. MY BELLY HURTS! All that eating and no running. Go me!

Took some pictures of the place,

This is a 400+ year old tree that's behind the house. Oldest White Oak in NY state

So there's my excitement for the week. Tomorrow I fly home to Oklahoma only to leave again on Sunday for Florida. I'll return from Florida just in time to catch a flight out to San Francisco to run the marathon next weekend. I've got a bit of traveling to do over the next few days for sure.

I've tried so hard over the last few days to get my mind wrapped around the marathon again. Up to now, my mind has been on everything but the marathon and it's scaring me a little. That's right, the "Run Fearless" guy is feeling fear. I fight it, I really do, but sometimes the fear is to great to keep down. I try to put on a strong face here for you guys because that's what I want to do for you. I want to give you that extra boost of encouragement or at least a tiny bit of humor to keep you going. The truth is though, I'm a scared little boy wrapped up in a big shell of a man who hides behind these words of strength. Most times I write what I want to be, not what I truly am thinking that if I get good at writing this script maybe it'll come true. I was almost convinced that I might be getting there until now. The fear is back and it's got control right now. I've run 10 marathons and I'm only 3 months since my last one and I'm doubting I can do this thing again in a week. Not worried that I won't run a good time, I'm honestly worried that I can't do the distance. That I'll get to 10 miles and it'll be over.

The knee, of course, is a major contributor to these feelings but it's not the main reason. I know I could run the entire marathon with ITB pain, I can do pain. What is really driving this fear is the lack of mental focus. I know I'm out of focus when I start thinking about how long a marathon is. Normally I don't even consider 26 miles. I've grown to think of it as a series of shorter segments that I run sequentially. I have goals for each segment and can concentrate on these shorter goals while the massive distance is going by. This is the way I used to think. Right now I'm only looking at the monster 26 miles and it's overwhelming. I've lost focus and I've got a week to get it back.

I'm going to really concentrate on the race for the next week. I need to get my head back in the game and focus. I have no idea how I'm going to do this but I'll make it. Fear is an ugly thing. Maybe I needed to see a little in order to get me back to earth.

Thanks for listening

Update

2009-07-12T14:47:00.004-05:00

Well I know you can't wait to hear about my knee again so I'll get that out of the way early. After taking 10 days off, that was 10 DAYS OFF FROM RUNNING, as in long enough to grow a whole new knee, as in long enough to for metal to grow back! As in, well OK enough, after 10 days off I ran 8 miles Saturday morning. The actual running went great with very little pain in the ITB. I stopped a few times to stretch it and completed the run very happy. After a short break I decided to jog/walk another 6 miles with the group since they were going on. The first step of running after the rest break was extremely painful. The second was worse. The third really sucked. Number 4 through 100 convinced me to stop and walk for awhile. It never got better.

So here we are. 13 days 10 hours and 1 minute until The San Francisco Marathon. I'm on the couch with an icepack on my leg. It hurts to walk sometimes.

On the plus side the activities of yesterday numbed my inhibitions enough that I was able to go spend a large sum of money on NEW RUNNING SHOES! That's right, I hit the crack dealer for some retail theorpy. It worked too. This was an awesome score.Brooks Trance. My dealer says they are mid-way between the Adrenalines that I wear now and the Infiniti's that I loved a few shoes back. They are 1 oz. lighter than the Adrenalines and that is what convinced me. I think he may have mentioned something about how these shoes cure ITB issues faster than any other shoe too but I may have misunderstood.

I'm heading out on the road for a few weeks tomorrow. I plan to hit the gyms in the hotels where I'll be staying and try to work my core over the next 2 weeks. A friend recommended pool running so I may try that too. Hate to get my new shoes wet though.

My friends you are all doing great and I'm proud as ever to sorta know you. Keep up the great work and be sure to write all about it. I'll send some pictures from the road.

So Sara has been asking questions lately and I love them so I thought of one myself. Others will always define you and form an image of you based on what they see/hear/think. I think it's OK to care about this but I also think it's more important to define yourself in your own eyes. You know the thoughts/dreams/hopes/desires/fears in your head better than anyone. So here's the question and it's simple:

Who are you? How do you see yourself?

Thank for listening

Gifts

2009-07-04T23:26:00.003-05:00

I used to love getting gifts as a kid. I remember being so excited about what I might get for Christmas or my birthday. The excitement leading up to the event was probably the best part of the whole thing even if I didn't realize it at the time. Funny thing that I seem to have lost that youthful enthusiasm for getting gifts somewhere long my 36 year path in this world. You could never have convinced 10 year-old Willie that it's better to give than to receive, but 36 year old Willie takes it as an absolute truth. But why?

I wish I could say that I've turned my views around because I've overcome the selfishness of youth but the truth is that I don't like to be given gifts because of the guilt or obligation receiving a gift brings. In a way it's just another form of selfishness on my part. I never feel worthy of a gift so getting one means that I will feel guilty for it and not be able to enjoy it, or I'll have to work hard to find a way to earn the gift so I can enjoy it. I wish I was mature enough to accept things as they are and enjoy the gifts of this life but it's not in me. I'm constantly working to earn something that I want or that I've been given.

I don't think I'm alone in this feeling, I'm not unique, and I don't think this way of thinking is all bad. On a grander scale, earning the gifts you've been given is a noble cause. We've all been blessed with this wonderful mystery of life. Not just a heart beat. Feelings. Thoughts. That extra something that separates us from other forms of living creatures. We were given that. We can't make it no matter how hard we try. We can't create life, it has to be given to us. That's a tough concept for someone like me to accept. There is something out there that we can't do for ourselves, we have to accept it! So what do we do?

We earn it! We take that gift we've been given and use it! That's the only way to earn that ultimate gift.

All of the blogs I read are inspiring because they are about people USING the gifts they've been given. None of you write enthusiastically about running the same time you did last week, or running the same distance as you did yesterday, or doing the same number of push ups you did a year ago. You're also not always writing about how you succeed every time you try either. No, you write about how much faster you are, or how much farther you ran today, or how many more reps you did at the gym or about how you poured your heart into something and it didn't work out. You're striving, you're not stagnating in the pool of life, you're swimming in the raging waters of adventure and challenge! You're LIVING. You're using the gifts you've been given whether you realize it or not and I believe I'm drawn to you because we're all living what we were meant to be. We may not be on the same paths but we share that dazed feeling of wonderment that we can't explain but that gives us a unique sense of self.

I hope that one day I'm able to receive a gift and give an honest Thank You to the giver without guilt. I suppose that come with (more) age. I hope I never stop feeling the need to earn the gift of being alive though. I want to run on the day I die and discover something new about this world on that run. Not just another 3 miles because it's in my training plan for my next marathong (hopefully #200+ by then), but a run in which I feel/think/see/hear/fall-into something totally unexpected and new.

I suppose when we do die, we've all earned the life we've had by that time anyway. Whether good or bad, we've earned it by how we worked for it. You can't be given a truly good or bad life. You either work to earn the basic gift or you don't. You'll reap something either way.

I've been blessed with not only the gift of live but with a love of running. It's my dream and dreams are gifts too. We didn't come up with them by ourselves did we?? Otherwise I'd have definitely gone with the competitive ice-cream eating/TV watching thing! No, for some reason, whether it was the people in my life or some other innate calling, I've always felt a love of running. It was given to me and I'd be insulting the giver if I didn't use it. I need to earn it.

Truth is I love that gift and I'm happy to earn it. Amazing since I didn't even pick it out of the J.C. Penny catalog or put it on my gift registry at Macy's. No this gift was chosen for me long before I ever had a chance to choose. Someone knew me better than I know myself and planted that seed knowing that through it I might contribute something to his creation. In Willie-terms, He wound me up and let me go!

So whenever you hear me complaining or crying about this hurting or that aching or this being swollen or that turning black and falling off or this being sore or that or this or that or this or that.... Please know that I'm talking about something I love doing and that is burned into my soul. It was a gift and I'm out there joyfully earning it.

Stupid knee is really screwing up my gift right now though! Anything you can do about that Big Guy would be appreciated!!!!
Sorry that slipped out. It is me after all :)

Thanks for listening
Run Fearless

My apologies

2009-07-01T20:28:00.003-05:00

I'm going to apologize for my next few posts right now. I'm sorry.

I think I'm injured. Those of you who've read this blog for awhile know why I just apologized now don't you? Feel free to stop reading..... It's not going to get better I promise you.

Running has been GREAT! Easy, no major issues, just me and my shoes out there pounding the pavement.

San Francisco is in 3 weeks.

I've scheduled a 20 miler for Friday.

I ran a 6:12 mile last night which a new PR.

Oh and NOW MY STUPID IT BAND DECIDES TO ACT UP! And it's not even in my normal bad leg. It's in my left leg. My good leg. My favorite leg. The leg that doesn't give me any problems! That makes it even worse! It's like the good son getting into trouble, don't know what to do, it's just not supposed to happen.

I've given it 2 days to get better.

I've got a 20 miler Friday morning and I'm NOT missing it for a stupid ITB problem. I iced and stretched it last night and iced it three times today at work. That's right, I was looking fabulous with the leg of my slacks pulled up to my thigh rubbing a Dixie cup of ice on my knee while working on the computer. Mostly people just laughed at my boots. I guess boots on a bare leg is funny, go figure.

So as you can see this is the beginning of a sequence of events that, after much frustration and cursing, leads to my eventual acceptance of the fact that I can't run but only after I've made the injury worse and prolonged the recovery. The fact that I acknowledge this sequence of events proves I'm not insane however. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I do the same thing over and over and whole heartedly accept the outcome will be the same each time. See!? I'm good.

That's just how Willie rolls! Deal with it!

Thanks for listening

Playing my part

2009-06-29T22:28:00.002-05:00

The plan was to run 16 miles on Saturday and I ran most of it pretty well. Most of it.

We met at 0(my God it's early)5:30 in the morning to avoid the heat and to get some miles in before the others in the group showed up to run some shorter distances. We met out in Piedmont Oklahoma which is just west of my glorious Edmond but much more rural. We ran mostly on gravel roads and even some good-old-Oklahoma Red Dirt. I find myself falling more in love with this state every time I discover some of it's distinctiveness. Anyway, I ran very well mostly in the low 8's and some 7's for 11 miles. We stopped for water and to contribute to the welfare of some native trees along the road (we're guys, we can do that) at mile 11 and I just could get going again. My buddy says we spent 5 minutes on that stop but I don't remember it being that long. I guess the heat and the long break got to me and I just dropped my mental edge for a moment, took too long a break and couldn't get it back. I walked most of the last 5 miles and just enjoyed the wonderful Oklahoma countryside. I'm somewhat concerned that I couldn't keep my focus for more than 11 miles but only moderately because I had a lot going against me with the heat and fatigue. Get these tough runs in now in the extreme heat and 60-70's in Tulsa this fall will feel like a cake-walk. That's the theory anyway.

San Francisco is coming up soon. I can't wait! I absolutely love this race and the city. I don't know why but it just embodies everything I love about the marathon event. The city is big and exciting, the expo is down in the heart of the city and is an event in and of it's self, race morning is awesome with so many marathoners to meet and be around, the race itself is beautiful, GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE, that says it all! You get to run across the Golden Gate Bridge! Did I mention the bridge yet? OK, well it's freaking awesome.

Oh and RBR, Southbaygirl, and a bunch of crazy Oklahomans will be there this year too! I get to see RBR and Southbaygirl again! Yes, I'm bragging and gloating. It is a privilege to know these people and to meet them. I still have to pinch myself sometimes to realize that a minuscule little peon of a man like me from nowhere West Virginia actually has friends all over this country who don't mind being seen with him! Last year we had the whole RBR crew (she has the greatest support crew EVER! They're crazy, but dedicated to each other and that's awesome) and Calyx and Donna. We had a ball after the marathon and it was a highlight of my life to meet them. This year we'll miss Calyx and Donna but I'm so happy Southbaygirl will make it up. There will be Starbucks, beer, sourdough, and oh yes, running. There will be running.

Think about this blogging thing we do for a minute. Actually think about where you'd be if you hadn't taken that giant leap one day and decided to put your life and thoughts out there for the world to see. I like to write about living life to the fullest and trying to experience everything you possibly can in this life, but I never could have imagined all the experiences and friends I'd have just because I wrote some garbled lines of hodge-podge one day. AND THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT LIFE! You can't imagine where the things in your life will take you. Take a wrong turn one day, say hello to a stranger, go somewhere you've never been, dial a wrong number, you never know what could come of these little events that we so often treat as annoyances. Serendipity! There are no accidents, we just need to see our lives as bigger than the last 10 minutes and the next 5. Each individual living their own desires, goals and dreams build this wonderfully elaborate system that is so complex on the large scale but yet so simple at it's lowest level. I love it. I love it. I love it. Try telling yourself that over and over. I LOVE THIS LIFE! A butterfly's wing beat in China causes a hurricane in the Atlantic! That's us! We're the butterfly! We're a part of something so much bigger than ourselves even if we were never to leave your houses, but what a shame that would be! To have a part of the most complex system ever devised and not indulge yourself in making your impact meaningful in some way is criminal.

Whew, there take that! Now the ushers will pass around the plate. We're happy to have the money that jingles but really need the kind that folds! (Bonus points if you know what movie that's from!)

Sorry for the preaching but I'm on an emotional roller coaster lately and I want to share the highs as a way to stave off the lows. Accentuate the positive right? I'm trying that theory on to see how it fits. We'll see.

Happy running to all of you wonderful people all over the world. Run fearless.

Thanks for listening.

169.0

2009-06-26T20:15:00.004-05:00

Last week it was 171.3

Two weeks ago it was 175.8

Before that, it hovered around 178. When I say before that I mean for like the last 3 years.

Please don't hate me, I'm not bragging. In fact, I'm not sure how I feel about it. My weight has dropped like all those good habits I've tried to implement over the years. This little tidbit of my life would normally make me extremely happy and I'd be writing things like, "all my hard work has finally paid off", and "wow I can't wait to try out this new toy of a body I've been given". The problem is I haven't earned this. I've struggled with my weight for most of my life and I have wanted to get down in the 160's for so long. I've tried diets and other things over the years and it seemed that I'd never get there. After years of struggling I had come to a level of acceptance that my weight would be what it is and I'd let running regulate it. Now this happens and I have no idea how it happened. Have you ever had a goal that you've worked for and struggled with only to have something happen that basically gives you the goal without much effort on your part? I don't do well with that. I want to earn this, I want to know in my heart that I changed my diet and did the things required to earn the weight lost. Ain't nothin' worth nothin' les you paid fer it. That's my West-by-God-Virginia theory and I stand by it.

I suppose it has something to do with the heat. I'm not going to worry about it because my running isn't suffering. I'll stick by the assumption that if something was really wrong with me it would manifest itself in other ways. This must be a temporary thing.

Total change of gears....

I just finished reading book that I initially had no intention of reading at all. I was in the middle of another book and had a second book lined up when my wife suggested this book to me. I read one chapter and never looked back. I still haven't finished that first one!

Anyway, I won't tell you the name of this book because I'd lose much more of my dwindling man-hood if I announced to the world that I love reading chic/romance/girly books. (That last sentence is not an official admission, I checked with the lawyers). I do, however, want to share with you a particular part that struck me like a ton of bricks. There's a part in the story where some of the characters are making comments about how some people are just silver medalists, they try and try but never seem to get what they're working for. Well it turns out that one of the other characters is actually an Olympic silver medalist! After some initial embarrassment, they continue on their conversation about being second best. At this point the Olympian stops them and tells them they're missing the point. I am probably violating copyright laws but screw it, I want to share this.

"You're missing the point of the silver medal. Yes, I would have loved winning a gold medal in track (He was a runner too!). But I love running. I do it every day because it makes me happy. So, it doesn't really matter if things didn't turn out exactly as I thought they would in my head. I went after the thing I really wanted, and I got it. Just in a different form than I thought I would."

Then he gives this little jewel,

"Fear of failure is an insidious thing. Leads people to pretend they never wanted a medal in the first place."

He then looks at the target of the previous conversation and says,

"that guy knows what makes him happy in his life. And he's balls out about getting it"

Makes me tingle just reading it again. If I could wish for one comment to be made about me in my life, I hope, I pray, that it would be something along those lines. I'd sacrifice all the victories and gold medals I could ever win to have that said about me.

Sorry for quoting someone else, I wish I had written something like that. I try to share my own thoughts rather than stealing from others but when I read that it kind of captured a feeling I've had and put it into words that I have been unable to find.

I've been running good. Easy miles on Monday, speedwork on Tuesday's, long, tempo run on Thursdays, and a good long 15+ miles on the weekends. My pace has been getting faster every week. I'm consistently in the 7's now for all but my weekend long runs. I'm really enjoying my runs too. It's back to the way running should be, show up at the track and just take off running. No pain, no getting through tight muscles, just me and my shoes doing what we love. It's the kind of running that makes you look forward to it everyday. No matter how bad the day at work is I have a good run to look forward to at the end of the day. That's better than any drug or therapy I can think of.

Thanks for listening

RBR Ironman update

2009-06-21T20:49:00.002-05:00

RBR is through the swim and has completed 34 miles of the bike. I'm pretty sure that information is old but it's all they got on the updates.

Send some good energy West and a good bit North!

Live tracking

RBR Rocks!!!!

An easy week

2009-06-17T19:40:00.003-05:00

Sitting here tonight with The Little One watching Ice Age and pondering the mysteries of life. OK, so really I'm mind-numb, a total vegetable, drinking a nice glass of fine Kentucky Whisky, and basically wasting oxygen.

This may be the bizzaro-SaratheQueen or JenZen blog tonight. Their blogs are full of all kinds of exercise and proper dieting. Mine is full of kid's movies and alcohol. I'm providing balance in this world I guess.

I ran 16 miles on the hills Saturday and ran another 3 easy miles with The Big One on Tuesday. I took the week off from my normal Tuesday speedwork. I figured I needed an easy week. No real reason, just figured. I do that sometimes, figure that is. Anyho, my normal weekly running partners are not running this week so I may be on my own tomorrow for tomorrow night's run around the lake. I enjoy my own company but sometimes I bore myself and it's hard to keep running with someone that doesn't interest you that much. Know what I mean?

The plans for this weekend are developing everyday. It seems everyone in our running group has different ideas about what to run this weekend. It may have something to do with different training goals. It could be that they are just trying to confuse me so much that there is a small likelihood I will be able to find any one group come Saturday morning. Maybe I don't just bore myself is what I'm trying to say. Hmmm, maybe I'll go get me some personality before the Saturday. I bet Wal-Mart sells it. I think we are running 10 miles early Saturday morning. Then there is an 8K race at the lake. After that there is a {cough, cough} trail run {end cough cough} just north of the lake. Yes, I'm considering a trail run. My knees hurt already. Why would I do this? They have beer and donuts. BEER and DONUTS. It's called the Green People run and it's for some environmental charity. You can run as many laps of a 3 mile trail that you want and I'm assured there is plenty of BEER and DONUTS after each lap. So my question is (not uttered, of course) why would anyone run more than 1 lap?

My biggest challenge right now is not running but sleep. I am really struggling with insomnia for some reason. I just can't sleep lately and I'm not a good tired person. I know I'm weird but I just don't perform well when I haven't slept. Weird I know. I would give anything to lose 8-10 hours of my life in utter-unconsciousness. Not going to happen anytime soon though I fear.

I'm rambling.

I registered for San Francisco on Monday though! The 15th was the last day to register and get your name put on your bib. I realized this at about 1 AM as I was NOT sleeping. Go insomnia! Woo-hoo! Saved me about $20. Now if I get my flight booked I'll be set. I'm really excited about San Francisco because I'm going to see so many of you wonderful blog-people. I love blog people. They're the best. Only problem is that I'm much more verbose and interesting in pixels than I am in real life. I do enjoy embarrassing myself though so it's never a total loss.

Still rambling.

Nah, I'm done.

Thanks for listening

A Wee Bit of Pride

2009-06-10T19:36:00.002-05:00

I just need to take a quick moment and share with my peeps my latest achievement.

I ran a 6:18 mile at last night's speedwork session!

Yea, I'm kinda blowing my own horn here, sorry but I can't help it.

I feel like I'm running good again and I want to shout it out.

Gimme a marathon, any marathon... Just bring it SOON!

Thanks for listening

Boston, Boston everywhere

2009-06-07T15:34:00.002-05:00

Well the lottery results for the New York City marathon came out this week and once again I didn't make it in. It could have something to do with the fact that I forgot to register but I think it's just plain discrimination against procrastinating-forgetful people. I may write a letter.

I had a wonderful speed workout Tuesday night where I ran my fastest mile for this year. We did a 800-1200-1600-1600-1200-800 ladder and I ran the miles in 6:28 and 6:30 respectively. Not bad for an old bald guy. Last year around mid-summer I was running 6:00-6:10 miles so I'm almost there. Wednesday was National Running day so we got together and (tried) to run around Lake Hefner. I only made 5 miles of it. I knew after step number 3 that I wasn't going to make it around. My legs were really tight and my running labored. I didn't care too much because I was still on a high from the speedwork. Thursday my small group of running friends had planned to run around Hefner again (we like this place) but I again couldn't make it all the way around and settled for 6 miles. Saturday we got together with the big group again for 14 miles around the marathon course. That was a nice easy run with lots of good conversation and relaxed pace.

I am able to explain my problems with running last week as lack of rest. I just couldn't sleep well and I seemed to be always on the go and busy. Stress in my life has a horrible affect on my running. I worry about my job, I worry about my kids, I worry about money, I worry about worrying and by Wednesday I'm sometimes so tired I just can't get one foot in front of the other. This makes a good run very difficult. I usually recover on Sunday where I sleep in and lounge all day. This recharges my batteries and I'm good to go for Monday and Tuesday. If I have a good couple days I can sometimes make it to Wednesday or Thursday before I breakdown again but sometimes I'm gone by Tuesday night. I must stop this cycle.

I say all this to explain my next discussion. Boston. It seems that qualifying for Boston is in the air again. One of my friends has committed to training for Boston and another friend is thinking about it. They both have the potential to run the qualifying times with a little work over the summer. I really want to help them both get there. They always ask me when I'm going to qualify and I laugh hysterically and say I will go watch them as a spectator and that's the only way I'll get to Boston anytime soon. I've been down this road before people and it just isn't in the cards for me. Truth is I want it so badly but not enough to give up what I would have to give up in order to make it. I need a 3:15 in order to make Boston. My PR is 3:32. In order to make Boston I would have to increase my weekly mileage quite a bit and my workouts would have to be of much better quality. Both of these things are something I'd love to do, I would love to run 60 miles a week and do it all with some good intensity. I like to eat though and my house payment is due every month no matter how much I wish it weren't. My kids like me to be around every now and then and so does my boss.

I know lots of people who juggle all this and still run extremely well but everyone is different and I haven't been able to find the balance that those people have. I'll get to Boston someday and I really hope it's achieved with a 3:15 but for now I have smaller goals. I'd like to run a sub-3:30 this fall and I'd like to maybe run the Redman triathlon too. Those are goals that are challenging but can still be achieved under my current way-of-life.

On a much more positive note, you guys (mostly gals actually) are running so GREAT! I've been keeping up with most of you through Twitter and your blogs and I must say that I'm impressed. Everyone seems to be either running PR's or training really well lately. For what it's worth, I am impressed with your improvement. I haven't been blogging that long but I have seen some of you go from beginners to pro's and it's inspiring.

Some of you inspire me with your ability to juggle hectic work lives and still find the enjoyment in running.

Some of you inspire me with hardcore gym workouts which I'll never understand.

Some of you inspire (bewilder) me by swimming massive distances, biking up vertical roads, and running trails through wilderness peaks on both coasts.

Long runs through heat and humidity while dealing with serious psychological delusions about college football teams inspire me to keep my head up and stay positive.

I've had a dream of writing a book for many years now and some of you keep that dream alive by reminding me of it from time to time. I love that and I love reading about wonderful races in Northeastern towns that I can only imagine. Ever improving races times are inspiring too!

One of my proudest achievements in blogging is that I've gone international. The world works in mysterious ways and that's ever so true in that my international flare comes from a country that I am absolutely in love with! Who could have guessed that I would have a virtual friend from the place I have always wanted to visit since I was a kid?

And, last but not least, are my local blogging friends. These are people I actually see! I've run with them, I've spoken actual words to them. What a concept huh? The list of inspiring things I see in them is way to long to list here. They are a constant source of energy and strength.

I know I don't say enough thank you's in my life. If I tried to thank everyone for all that I get from them in my life I'd get nothing done. I'm nothing without the wonderful people I'm surrounded by.

Thanks for listening.

Ogden Newspaper 20K

2009-05-31T08:40:00.010-05:00

I promised a post about my race in Wheeling so here it is.

I traveled back to my hometown as a surprise to my father for his retirement party. Because I'm one of us sick runner-types, I spent significant time looking for a marathon to run while I was home that weekend. I couldn't find one anywhere near my home but I did find a 20K in Wheeling West-by-God-Virginia. As I investigated more I learned that this race was a companion to the 1/2 marathon that is run in my hometown. You get a special T-shirt if you run both and we all know that we run for T-shirts!!!

I convinced my mother to join me in this endeavor which really didn't take much convincing since she still loves her little baby very much. We got up at 5:30 and she drove me to Wheeling. I had only driven through the town on the highway so this would be my first visit to Wheeling. It's a nice town, bigger than I thought. We parked, got registered, and hit the porta-pottie. Typical pre-race steps.

I noticed as we were lining up to start that we were starting directly into a hill. Nice. Luckily we turned before we hit the hill. Yea! I settled into a nice easy pace and was taking in the scenery when I came upon a nice gentleman who noticed my Oklahoma shirt. He casually mentioned that he was taking it easy preparing for the 29th street hill. "Oh do tell", was my response, hill? What hill? He laughed. Alot. "You've never run this race before have you?". Ha ha ha, you're so funny Mr. not-so-nice-anymore gentleman.

It was a big hill. It was a long hill. It kept going. Up. Turn. More up. Turn. More up. It hurt. There was a band and large crowd at the top. "You've made it over! Way to go!". Bite me, screw you, you suck. Oh crap that's a steep downhill. {sound of knees screaming in horror}. Ahhhhhhhhhhh (Willie screaming in horror).

There that's my race report. Repeat that last paragraph a couple more times and that's the race in a nutshell. Only thing to add is that the last mile was all downhill which was really cool. I figured I had already done permanent damage to my knees anyway so I let it all hang out. I got under 7 for that last mile. It was really cool to have Paula register a sub-7 minute mile during a race! Just to keep Willie from getting too big a head though, the running Gods saw fit to have a young, f-ing shirtless, headband-wearing, punk-ass cherub (RBR term) pass me, like I was standing still, about 100 yards from the finish. Oh yea, and my mom just happened to catch a great action shot of the moment too! I look like I'm really moving except for the blur that is streaking past me. Just had to ruin a good picture didn't he?

Willie sending laser beams into a teenager's back

I ended up running 1:40:31 which was surprising considering how slowly I ran some of those hills. That's an 8:06 average. Not bad if I do say so myself.

Afterwards I got a great massage and some wonderful coffee from a local gourmet shop. My mom and I had a great day together. BTW, she was 12th out of 30 in her age group in the 5K walk. Go mom!

Happy Willie

Thanks for listening